by Jeannette Rodgers

Created on: September 26, 2009   Last Updated: October 30, 2009

When a father is not present for either part of or most of the child's life a wall is built between the two. The dynamics of the relationship change. For some kids; bitterness takes the place of tenderness, resentment and rebellion takes the place of relationship and grieving loss takes the place of love.

A child will always desire to know and have a relationship with their father. Though the impact may vary based on circumstances of the delay; the chances of forming or gaining a relationship between child and father are better late than never. Most kids will accept their father regardless of the causality of the delay to the relationship. A child-father relationship should be sought unless the impact on the child is harmful. Most of the time the impact will have positive end results because in the long run; most children love their parents unconditionally.

When a father decides to step back in the parenting role his time of parenting a child may have passed. A child may have turned 18 and now considered an adult no longer wants a daddy to do the job that is already finished. Though they will still seek a parent for security, safety, reassurance, consultation and love. For some if it is younger there are various emotions that must be resolved prior to a father jumping into his parenting role.

The father is now in the place of taking on the brunt of emotions that he must face because of his delay in forming the child-father relationship. During the delay the child has learned or has attempted to cope with the life they were given without a present father. Attempting to form a relationship later means attempting to break down a wall that was built from the separation. The capabilities or desire to go through this process will vary with each individual.

The results may differ based on the duration of the delay and this will determine the results of the child-father relationship. If it is later in life as mentioned above forming some kind of relationship is always better than none at all. The problem that arises is that while the child is always seeking to know or have a father the ability to trust and the time and emotional effort it takes may be limited.

Because of the time lapse a "friendship" may result (which again is better than no relationship at all) but the child even as an adult will still suffer the loss of a parent. Kids don't need their parents as friends; they need their parents as parents. The impact will certainly differ based on the history, the circumstances and the results that both the child and the father want.

A father should make every effort to gain a relationship with their child. Even adults today suffer through from a lacking relationship with a parent and are longing for closure, relationship and/or love for the father. It may be that the father will suffer more of the impact from his delayed role which can be more emotionally difficult on him than the child.

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