by Jessy Hudson

Created on: September 26, 2009

Ana's Reflection

The phone rings
I answer and hear her voice
Trembling on the other end
And I know something is wrong
At first she won't tell me
We're best friends
But on this particular subject
She holds back sometimes
Finally - her answer
She had turned on the Style Network
And broken into tears
The beautiful figures
The beautiful malnourished figures
With their hollow cheeks

And their sunken eyes
And she wasn't good enough
I try to comfort her
Sometimes able to understand
Sometimes not
I tell her she's gorgeous
She doesn't listen
Every day the issue is there
Even if it doesn't show
"Have you eaten anything today?"
The answer is always "No."
"Yesterday?"
"No."
"Okay." I reply
I'm the understanding one
Her parents know
But refuse to help
They've tried too many times
We walk through the mall together
"I'm hungry." she says
"Do you want to stop somewhere?" I ask
The answer is always "No."
Or if we do
After my pleading finally convinces her
The ritual begins
4 glasses of ice water
Cutting up her food as small as possible
Drinking between every minuscule bite
To fill herself up faster
Smoking a cigarette to waste time
While I eat
Making conversation to distract me
So I don't see her wasting time
But I do
As soon as the meal is finished
She excuses herself to the bathroom
And returns with her eyes slightly puffy
Small hardly noticeable teeth marks
Above the knuckles of her first two fingers
From the force of making herself throw up
Again
I only notice because I know
But I don't say anything
I've tried
It doesn't help
I hold her and I feel her bones
Jutting out from beneath her porcelain skin
She says she's fat
The thought is absurd
But it's what she sees
In the carnival mirror of her mind
Her food intake per day averages to
4 caffeine pills
A few sticks of gum
Maybe a diet coke
A few cups of black coffee
And sleeping pills before bed
Her stomach rumbles almost constantly
But she doesn't care
Her happiness every morning
Dictated by the numbers on the scale
And I watch helpless
As my best friend
Literally disappears

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