by Jamie Crouse

Created on: February 12, 2007   Last Updated: April 30, 2007

My husband and I have both had the misfortune of working in retail for a number of years. For years, we would come home at night, complaining about the seemingly endless supply of idiots the world had to offer. Everyone in society has to deal with idiots, but retail workers take the brunt of their obnoxious behaviors and are expected to smile while doing so. In light of that, here are my top ten picks:

1)People failing to acknowledge others as a human being. At work, I often smiled at people and said "hello" only to be greeted by silence or a frown. I'm not sure if this is unique to retail workers, but I know I would have appreciated being treated like a person.

2)Self-righteous non-smokers. I quit smoking a month ago and I refuse to walk up to other smokers and say stupid little conversational tidbits like "Every cigarette you smoke takes six minutes off your life." Not only is this irritating and patronizing, it is information that smokers already know. Lose the attitude-no smoker will quit because of some idiot shaming him or her into it.

3)Parents letting their children run wild. I'm not a parent, so I do feel marginally guilty criticizing another parent's skills. However, I've seen one child too many running around like little fools in restaurants, department stores, gas stations, etc. This running around is usually accompanied by loud screaming and/or crying with parents either looking blithely on or screaming back at the kids with empty threats.

4)People letting control of their bodily functions without any sort acknowledgment. I've had far too many people belch right in my face without so much as an "excuse me" let alone an "I'm sorry for being such a pig and burping close enough to your face that you can smell it." It's been worse than this, but I've seen enough to qualify this a large public concern.

5)People not washing their hands after using the restroom. I don't think I have to say anything more about this.

6)People using their cell phones in public spaces to discuss very intimate life details. No, I don't care what kind of liquor Jack threw up last night nor do I care to hear about the results of Lauren's breast exam.

7)People quoting pop culture drivel like "Family Guy" or bumper sticker cliches and thinking they are being funny or clever. Chances are, it has already been said by eighty-five other people and it's lost what little charm it had in the first place. Find something original please!

8)People holding up the line because even though they've had time to make decisions, they haven't. I see this everywhere. The guy in front of me at the deli doesn't know what he wants because he's been talking on his phone the whole time he waited in line. There are so many more examples of this that I can't even count them all.

9)People who don't go when the traffic light turns green. I realize some people might not get off to an immediate start, but if the light has been green for ten seconds and they haven't gone yet, feel free to honk. Lord knows I would.

10)People eating and/or drinking things before they pay for them. There is nothing more disgusting than waiting on someone who has half a donut crammed in his mouth and a quarter of his Mountain Dew drunk before coming to pay. It is so uncivilized. We are not children that can't control our impulses. Besides, how will it be paid for if the ol' Visa card is declined?

A lot of these complaints may seem petty. Most of them are. After spending such a long time in the service of an ungrateful public, I have a lot of complaints built up. Bless the service workers of America and tell your clerks thank you. They'll appreciate it.

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