by Lynde Navarro

Created on: September 25, 2009   Last Updated: September 26, 2009

REFLECTIONS: FOOTPRINTS IN THE SAND

When I became a widow, followed by the loss of my parents, my dear grandfather and my beloved sister, I felt being left alone with so many responsibilities and obligations to face ahead of me. I felt that I was in a situation where I didn't know and was not even sure where life would take me and my kids. I felt that all the important people in my life left me for good. I was left with no one to hold on to and no one to turn to. I condemned my fate and asked: Why me? Many times, when I was in trouble, especially financially and emotionally, I doubt God's love for me. There was even a time when I believed that I was abandoned by God, especially during those times that it was so difficult to see His loving presence. But the memory of those who left me gave me all the courage to face all the struggles and played the crucial game called life. I raised my kids alone at the same time pursuing my studies and working as well. I painstakingly tried to live my life in accordance to their expectations and never made a wrong turn that may have disappointed them. People regarded me as strong and independent woman amidst the crisis that I've been through.

Now that I am in my thirteenth years of widowhood, I took a glance in my past and review my life. I came to realize that somehow there have been countless twists and turns of events some really affected me in one way or the other. But my experiences in life's ups and downs made me a better person. My kids are 14 and 12 years old now. I was able to finish my studies and I have a decent job and I was able to send my kids to school. I am shrouded with shame when I think of the times I questioned God's wisdom. I feel so guilty when I accused Him of leaving me when I needed Him most, when I was not able to see His loving presence during those times when I was so down and out. Now I understand why. He was just there hidden in some mysterious ways as the footprints in the sand. He never abandoned me but he carried me. Yes! It was then that he carried me in His loving arms. He is the source of my strength in the faces of my children. He was my guiding light on how to play this ballgame called life and be a winner against the antagonistic trials and temptations. I cannot claim that I am a perfect mother; I cannot say that I am successful in my field of undertaking, yet I will claim that I am trying to be almost perfect as a mother and to succeed in my endeavors, with God's grace.

Now I have accepted the reality that everything has a reason for coming and going. And when it decides to leave, life shouldn't end when heartaches begin. We are not in a perfect world. And if we feel that everyone is leaving us, God always remains and patiently carry us without even knowing it. So don't be bothered to see only one set of footprints, in fact we should be grateful as it is the time that we will be able to feel His presence without seeing Him.

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