by Wendy Morgan

Created on: September 24, 2009   Last Updated: September 27, 2009

You are only four once. However, that once lasts for 365 days (366 in a leap year). And for a parent of a four year old, that 365 days can seem like an eternity.

All children like to push boundaries, that is especially true for four year olds. A four year old has crossed the boundary from toddler to child. They will even be starting kindergarten a year or so. They are a 'big kid' now. A four year old feels like they can keep up with bigger kids, push around smaller kids and give their personal opinion (or statement on how things should be) on just about anything. A four year feels invincible and ready to take on the world. But, even though a four year feels perfectly capable, that same child is in the middle of some of the best learning years and is ready to learn about reality.

Understanding how a four year old thinks is the first step in setting appropriate limits. As a parent, you do not like to tell you child no, unless someone is getting physically hurt. Even the best intentioned parent can 'yes' their way into a behaviorally challenged child. A four year old perceives that he is an equal to his parent, that he can call the shots and rule the roost. This is a perfect time to set limits and prepare a child for the reality of the world.

At four years old, a child is very perceptive, in spite of the tantrums, open to learning. Adults know that it is important to do things we don't want to. A four year who is taught that they will be first, asked to do something, second, told to do something and third, made to do something, will be learning valuable skills about accomplishing tasks. A child should not be begged and plead with to do anything. A parent who does this is teaching their child that they have no responsibility and ALL of the power. Imagine an adult refusing to do a task given by their boss...can you say, "Fired".

A four year old should also be taught they they do not have the same privileges as their older children. Many parents struggle with harming a childs 'fragile' self-esteem by creating age appropriate rules. A four year old should be taught, even through their tears, that while their older siblings can go to the park or another location alone, or even play later, now is not that time for them. Giving a child anything they ask for at a young age creates a sense of entitlement and a lack of appropriate behavior.

One of the greatest limits that should be set for any child is the limits of behavior. Treating others with dignity and respect is not a naturally developed attribute. Respect for others is something that needs to be taught and reinforced. Driving down and the street and seeing teens give passing cars the 'finger' was once an anomaly, but is now a common sight. These teenagers are growing up and have yet to learn common courtesy and respect. Parents who did not enforce the consequences of disrespect replied to disrespect with empty threats, only solidified the idea that children have no responsibility towards anyone and everyone around them.

The list of limits that should be set for a four year old is endless. Overall, the best way to set limits and teach proper behavior, is through example. It all starts with how you treat your child. A child needs to understand the concept of 'You get what you give". And taking it a step further, 'The Golden Rule'. There will be times when your child is treated cruelly and unfairly, but the best response will always be to treat others the way they want to be treated. Following a general rule, like 'The Golden Rule', will prepare the child for the harsh realities of the world and help them be well rounded, solid, consistent and every other good and wonderful thing a parent could ever want for their child.

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