by Joshua K. Bradshaw

Created on: September 24, 2009

The real title of this article should be "Why the guy who lets himself be a doormat never gets the girl". Now I'm not saying you need to become some male chauvinist Neanderthal who drags women by the hair back to his cave. What you really ought to do is learn to be your own person. What I mean is have a life apart from her and don't be ashamed of it. You don't have to ask her permission for every little thing or agree with her on every issue. You're not being fair to either her or yourself. She can see your phoniness from a mile away. Don't kiss the ground she walks on too early on in the relationship. That gives her the impression that you are needy and desperate.

Don't be afraid of having fun and spontaneous

I personally have had to work hard on this. Many women like a man with a sense of humor. Learn to laugh at yourself. Self depreciation in appropriate circumstances can actually ease tension and awkwardness and make her feel more at ease. She can thus let her guard down when she sees that you are human too. When she wants to do something such as a recreational activity, don't be afraid to offer your honest input. Often you can both find a good compromise. If you just do what she wants all the time she'll feel like you have no life outside of hers, going back to the neediness/desperation topic. Every once in a while surprise her with something romantic. Like I said, make it a rare thing or she will get irritated. For example, calling her at work to say "I love you , honey" just out of the blue will score you brownie points for sincerity. However, calling several times a day can creep her out.

When conflicts arise

Invariably you and her will have altercations from time to time. Don't run from them or whimper like a scared dog. Women are crazy at times (men are too but in different ways) and you will have to deal with that. It is true that conflict leads to growth. Standing your ground may initially cause more friction but will eventually earn you her respect. And whatever woman you eventually end up with will have her idiosyncrasies, no matter how perfect she may seem to you. On the other hand, when you are clearly in the wrong owe up to it like a man instead of getting defensive.

Picking the right partner

Do you enjoy eating spoiled food? I didn't think so. Consuming spoiled food is toxic to your physical health. Similarly, romantic involvement with spoiled people is toxic to your mental and emotional health. Stay far away from a "daddy's little princess". While there's certainly nothing wrong with a father and daughter having a close bond, women who are grown spoiled brats are to avoided at all costs. These are the female equivalents of "mama's boys". Nothing you do or say can measure up to her daddy in her mind. Once again, nothing wrong with a man being rightly concerned about the kind of future son in law he will have. But his indulgence of her every whim over the years with little discipline can make her into an ungrateful and demanding person (can work the same with a man who's been catered to by his mother). You will inevitably be the footnote in the relationship. You cannot please a spoiled person no matter how hard you try. You absolutely must be discerning in your choice of a partner. Learn about her negative and positive points and think carefully about whether you feel you are ready to deal with the whole package. Also, stay away from a needy/desperate woman. If you are not trained in psychiatry don't try to fix her deep seated issues. She needs to deal with them before she gets involved in a relationship so that both parties can have a healthy start.

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