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Humor: Monsters


Monster Games


Louis Balzarini was lost.


For nearly two hours he had been trying to find his way back to his Honda SUV after he had finished mushroom hunting. It was his first time in these woods that bordered Hogsback Ridge-an area famous for the best morels in the county.

At least that's what the folks at Skip's Diner in Glen Cove believed.


"Just be careful when you go in them woods looking for 'em," said Ray Gunn, one of the old-timers at the counter, "because they're so thick with oak, poplar, maple, and walnut a person could lost. Remember that guy last year from the city...."


"The one who was missing for two days?" added Otto Williams.


"Yeah, that's the one. He went mushroom hunting too and wasn't careful I guess," said Ray. "Didn't listen to us. One of those city know-it-alls."


The regulars seated along the counter started laughing.


Louis smiled. They already had him pegged as soon as he walked in with his stylish outdoor garb from L.L. Bean asking how to get to the woods famous for morel mushrooms. Vera working the counter rolled her eyes as did Skip in the kitchen.


They had seen these city types before come down here after reading some Sunday Supplement story about berry picking, apple picking or mushroom hunting. They invariably came to Skip's Diner for information and directions.


"And be sure you watch out for the Hogsback Creature," said a raspy voice from the back of the diner.


The diner got quiet and most everyone seated around the counter turned and looked toward a booth in the back where Jack Morris sat. Former high school science teacher, naturalist, hunter, spelunker, and grandfather of five, he was also Glen Cove's resident expert on local legends and lore.


"Just be sure you don't stay in them woods too long young fellow," said Jack who pronounced "fellow" as "fellar"-a local dialect peculiarity. "It likes to come out at night and scare folks a tad."


Everyone in the diner turned back to Louis who was still standing by the door next to Clark Barr who was standing next to the jukebox. Louis looked a little scared.


"The Hogsback Creature?" asked Louis with just a hint of a stammer.


"It's our Bigfoot," said Clark, averting his eyes and trying very hard not to laugh.


In fact, everyone at the diner was having a hard time trying not to laugh. They loved to play this trick on outsiders, especially those in the catalog get up that Louis was wearing.


"He's been known to attack humans now and then, so be careful young fellar," said Jack.


Below are the top articles rated and ranked by Helium members on:

Humor: Monsters

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    by Jeffrey Miller


    Monster Games


    Louis Balzarini was lost.


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Humor: Monsters

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