by Rob DeVore

Created on: September 24, 2009

There I was - I had everything in the world that I ever wanted. A loving partner, a happy home life, doing the things that I love with my partner. I couldn't wait to get home from work every day. She was my best friend.

But one day, I was overcome by sadness and sorrow. All I wanted to do was be alone. I didn't dislike my partner or my friends or my family....but I felt like I was stuck inside my own head....my only desire was to be alone, to hide from everyone and everything. I had felt like this from time to time for as long as I can remember. A lot of times, this feeling would coincide with negative things that were happening around me...a break-up, stress at work, bad times at school, band issues, family issues, ect. This sort of feeling might be expected when life throws things at you. But this was different. There wasn't anything negative going on in my life at the time. I didn't have any reason to feel this way. Everything was great. But there was nothing to prevent me from feeling the sadness, the sorrow, the desire to be by myself. She was concerned. I assured her that I was stuck in my head and that there was nothing that she did to make me feel like this. This is how I knew that I was afflicted with the "quiet killer" known as depression.

There was nothing to make me come out of it.....after an argument, the important things like our relationship and quality of life became more important than depression. I love this woman more than anything. She insisted that I see a doctor and try to get the depression I was experiencing under control. I tried several times to make an appointment, but the various doctors would reject my health insurance provider or the doctors would say that my insurance wouldn't cover my visits.As you can imagine, I was entirely frustrated.

Fast forward a few months....we had just moved to a new house. I had a few days off work to get the new house in order and finish up the loose ends of the old house. The feeling returned....except this time, my partner wasn't so understanding. Things were grating on me. I didn't want to talk to my partner about these things because she was going through a tough time with her job, and the move herself. I didn't want to burden her down any further. I was also resentful towards her son - not that he was doing anything wrong. I should have been angry with her and the way she handled the situations....but this was difficult because of the way I feel about her. I love her more than anything. The feeling

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