by Heather Bernard

Created on: September 24, 2009   Last Updated: September 26, 2009

The transition to college falls into one of the greatest periods of change and turmoil in a person's life. It is especially difficult when your child has never been away from home before. It is surprising just how many college students struggle their first semesters to adjust to so many changes and new problems. As a parent, this can be one of the times of the greatest needs for support. While it is important they find your child develop their independence, you want to support them through this time of difficulty. Here are some tips to smooth out the rocky times of transition

1.) Listen. It is important that they know that they don't have to put on a face for you! If it is difficult you definitely want to know about it. Make sure to reaffirm that it is them that you care about! Reaffirm that you are proud of them and do not berate them for their failures. In fact one of the most important things you can do is to simply encourage them. Remind them of their past successes. Stay calm during all period of 'crisis'. You might get a phone call from them saying they hate it and want to come home. Remind them of their next break and wait until the end of the semester before you and they make any big decisions. This will help give a more accurate view of whether it was nerves and adjusting time or whether it really is not a good fit for your child.

2.) Encourage them to focus on their goals. Realize that in the big picture what you want for your child is for them to be happy and healthy. Yes it might drive you crazy how much they switch majors. They might not choose the same major as you would have chosen. In the grand scheme of things realize they are different people and are going down different paths in life. Think to yourself whether in 20 years this will be a big deal to you.

3.) Don't become overbearing. One of the biggest things to keep in mind while dealing with their separation anxiety is to remember your own. Do not force them to call and check in everyday. While maintaining communication is a wonderful way to stay involved, realize that college students face a lot of pressure especially during those first few weeks and you don't want to add to it. Why not just write a nice email about how proud you are of them and what a great job they are doing but do not demand they write or call within a day. Know that you are helping them and gain your satisfaction through that. Send them a box full of fun stuff from home (it doesn't even have to be expensive things- just their favorite foods or magazines). Let me tell you there is no greater feeling of knowing someone cares and is thinking of you. You might not hear how needed and appreciated it was until much later but know in your heart you are helping your child.

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