by Greg Somaio

Created on: February 12, 2007   Last Updated: September 19, 2008

How many of you watched the CSI: Miami episode that took place in Rio? One of the lines in the show was something like: "In Portuguese we have a word, Saudade. It's the sad feeling we have for happier times."

I grew up in Brazil. We arrived there when I was ten. I remember not wanting to go. I wanted stay here with my best friend and my grandparents.
Starting over is hard even for a ten year old. I remember not speaking the language, not wanting to go outside and play because I missed the US, and couldn't understand what the other kids were saying. I remember turning on the TV and seeing old black & white reruns of Tarzan - in Portuguese.

Being an American in that part of Brazil in 1988 was a cool thing. Actually, I was pretty much one of the popular kids in school right up until I came back to the US. Especially if there was an Enligsh test. But when I first got there, however, I was fat, nerdy, naive, and to top it all off, I had a funny accent.
The year I got there one of the local English schools agreed to teach Portuguese to my brother and I. My sister was too young, she would start preschool the following year anyway. After about 6 months of language courses, we started school. For the first two years we went to private schools. Then in 1990 when Collor took office and froze everyone's bank accounts for 18 months in an attempt fix the economy, things got really tight. That's when we started going to public schools. That's also when I started meeting a few of the friends that I have to this day.
After that came middle school, work, girls, parties, high school, parties, more girls, more parties...
I saw a card or something the other day which said that friends are the family we choose. It is true. They're all family. They're all brothers. They're all sisters.
And I miss 'em. I miss 'em alot. I've known some of these people for almost 20 years. And I almost lost one of my closest friends (in fact, he's the father of my godson) in a motorcycle accident a couple of weeks ago. His friend was at the helm, when a car ran a red light. They hit the back door of the car. He ended up about 35ft from the car. That guy's lucky to be alive. If he didn't survive the crash, I wouldn't have made it to his funeral. One of my biggest fears is not being able to say goodbye to a dying friend.
Sometimes at night I go outside and I look up at the sky and see the moon. I sit there and watch it for a little while then I start to think about my friends that I grew up with in Brazil. I wonder if they're looking at the moon as well. I wonder if they think that I'm looking at the moon. They probably are.
When I think about the possibility that I'm staring at the same thing as someone who is almost 5000 miles away, it makes me realize that we're a lot closer to each other than we think.
As for saudade, it's probably the most painful thing you'll ever feel. It's happiness that makes you sad, hope that brings you fear, and all of those rolled into one.

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