by Patricia Oshier Franks

Created on: September 23, 2009

During my years with an alcoholic, abusive spouse, my overall physical health gradually deteriorated. In fact, I was well on my way to being as much an alcoholic as my husband. I didn't realize until I left the relationship just how badly the alcohol, the abuse, and the overall constant stress and fear had effected my health beyond the physical abuse.

Sleep was erratic for years. I never ate well, and rarely exercised. My own excessive drinking also affected my health beyond the traditional hangovers. This physical deterioration manifested itself in gaining weight on the empty calories contained in alcohol and in unhealthy behaviors. The combination of alcoholism and poor health habits influenced by the abuse left me a physical wreck by the time I left. I wish I'd seen it earlier but leaving my husband opened my eyes to what I had been doing to myself during the last twenty years.

Even during childhood, though I slept at night, I woke up several times a night. That pattern, established before I started school still hasn't changed. However, during the years of abuse, I ceased sleeping at night because of the vicious verbal tirades my abuser subjected me to at night. I often had to endure his abuse until the early hours of morning when eh might pass out. Then I would see him off to work, yet still be unable to sleep properly with the events running through my head like film loops. So I often napped during the day when my abuser wasn't there to wake or torment me. The stress of his mistreatment of me often spun my head in circles and I could never sleep as soon as he passed out. If by chance I slept later, he sometimes woke up and tormented me even more, which interrupted what sleep I managed to get.

Since leaving him however, the stress level had decreased drastically and I no longer spend half the night being abused verbally or physically. I now sleep at night, which negates the need to snatch catnaps during the day. Thus, I am active during the day and able to sleep.

Married to the abuser, my eating habits suffered as well. I was often upset long after he'd leave for work and seldom wanted to eat, rarely getting hungry. Sometimes I might go a couple of days before feeling any appetite. Plus, alcohol's empty calories can make a person feel full. Hence the term 'drinking your dinner'. Yes, I too drank heavily, relying on alcohol's ability to lower inhibitions, that false courage, to stand up to my abuser. I sometimes forced myself to eat so he wouldn't harp on

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