by Darcey Lee

Created on: September 23, 2009   Last Updated: September 26, 2009

When you do not like your partner's friends, what can you do?

The discomfort that comes along with not liking your partner's friends can be overwhelming. Although your relationship may be a good one, as soon as the phone rings and it is the crew that you do not like him hanging out with, automatic conflict.

All you can do is tell your partner how you feel. It is up to him to take it from there on how he or she is going to deal with this kind of situation. Coming down on your partner hard in regards to not being around their friends is a not a good idea. Any good relationship is not one where someone has to choose between a partner and friends.

Explain to your partner how you feel and why you do not feel comfortable with his friends. You can avoid being around them and give your partner the space to be around the friends you dislike but at the same time this means you lose time that you could be spending with your partner.

If the friends are the sort that can steer your partner down the wrong road so to say, and entice him to do things he should not be doing as a committed partner, then a firm but not aggressive conversation should be had about your feelings regarding this.

If your partner can not say no to temptations of doing what he or she should not be doing, then it is time to re-evaluate your relationship. The friends are not to blame for the direct actions of what your partner does.

If you do not know his friends all that well but have an instinct that there is something negative about them that you do not like. Give them a chance and get to know them before you speak the final judgement. Often people who start out not liking one another often end up having a strong friendship.

Do not judge only from what you see. Sometimes it is obvious if the friend is out of line in behaviour or obnoxious. You just know this is not the type of person you would want to be friends with and not the type of person you want your partner to be in the company of.

Putting your partner in the position of choose them or me. This is not healthy. This puts demands and expectations on the relationship and strains what can be a good relationship. Next thing you know, you are fighting over something that has not happened. The root of the argument is because your partner mentioned he would like to go watch the game or have girls night out at the pub. Although the even has not happened yet, just the thought of it makes you boil because he or she would even consider it.

As uncomfortable as you may feel about your partner's friends, it is best to give your partner space but let him or her know how you feel. Let your partner have the freedom to decide what is right or wrong. If he or she cares about how you feel and is aware that the group of friends may be a bad influence in one way or another. He or she will do the right thing on their own without being told what to do.

After all, these are your partner's friends and they may have existed prior to you coming into the relationship. Do not crack the whip and demand. Just give it time and let your partner know how you feel.

What is meant to happen will happen on its own.

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