by Vanessa Bartlemus

Created on: September 23, 2009   Last Updated: January 03, 2010

Many people don’t realize that the experience of having a c-section carries with it an emotional toll. Feelings of failure, inadequacy, and guilt are common among women who have had unplanned c-sections. Most of them had imagined a much different birth, one where they were the first to hold their baby, a more personal birth rather than the sterilized experience a cesarean birth offers.  Many of them feel disconnected to the whole birth, as if not seeing your baby come out of you makes the whole thing seem unreal.

I had an unplanned c-section, and my after-birth experience did not feel like I thought it would. I did not get to feel that emotional high my friends and family and the baby books had said I would feel. Instead, I was very sleepy from the drugs and in pain from the surgery. I was falling asleep as I saw my baby girl for the first time. I got to kiss her once and smile for a few pictures before I went completely under from the anesthesia and my daughter was taken away. I couldn’t breastfeed her like I wanted to because of a high fever I ran during labor and, out of fear of infection, they kept her away from me for 24 hours. I woke up in the recovery room feeling slightly disoriented and as if I didn’t just give birth; it was like there was no sense of closure to my pregnancy. The day after the birth, I felt an overwhelming sense of wanting to get pregnant again soon. I didn't exactly realize it at the time, but that feeling came from the fact that I wanted a chance to do it over again and prove I could do it right this time.

I was convinced that I had failed. I was convinced that everyone around me, my husband, my mom, and my midwife, thought I had failed. I felt like I did everything wrong and that if I had just been a little stronger, had been a little more adamant in voicing my wishes, I could have avoided this c-section.

More and more women are having unplanned c-sections and the numbers are rising. Many of them go through these same feelings after a cesarean birth. It's not something to “get over”. People may tell you "At least you're baby is healthy". That may make you feel even worse, thinking, “What’s wrong with me? I should be happier than this.” Of course you are happy your baby is healthy, but you just can't shake that feeling that you wish your birth went different.

One of the first steps you should take to help yourself feel

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