by J. Lo

Created on: September 23, 2009   Last Updated: September 26, 2009

When taking on the challenge (and responsibility) of dealing with a parent, many factors must be taken into consideration. I hate to say that "ground rules" must be set in place, but in essence - they need to enforced. I have dealt with this issue personally, so I speak from experience.

If several family members will live within the same household, questions and concerns should be addressed - before the parent arrives. Issues such as sleeping arrangements, meal planning, and financial contributions, should all be dealt with in a respectable manner. Ideally, each member affected by the transition, should be informed as to what changes will take place.

It is also important to speak with the parent, regarding routines and rituals that occur in the adult child's home. At times, there may be clashes in the household, due to the adult child being treated like a young child. If and when this occurs, the situation must be dealt with accordingly. In the event that the parent is sick or disabled, the extra responsibility and the changes that may occur should also be addressed.

Another sensitive area between some parents and their children, is the issue of power and control. It is very difficult to maintain a peaceful household, when two parties are bickering over whose thoughts and ideas should take precedence over the other.

Power struggles can be frustrating, and will often occur due to clashes regarding child rearing, house cleaning, and because the parent may feel that their opinion or insight should outweigh the opinions and feelings of the adult child. If this occurs too frequently, it will cause friction between the parent and (the) child, and in some instances causes greater hardship between both parties. It is often said that a child never grows up in their parents eyes. But "adult children" do grow up, - and they want to be treated like adults.

Although taking in a parent can be a stressful event, it can also be a great benefit.

For a parent who is active and in sound health, the additional help around the house or even being a travel companion, is an asset to the family - and not a hindrance. It is my firm belief, that open communication along with mutual respect is the key to creating a peaceful household.

Overall, so long as there is a clear understanding of rules, boundaries and expectations, the transition to a parent living in a child's home can be an amicable one.

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