by Patricia Oshier Franks

Created on: September 22, 2009

Domestic violence, as the name implies, is considered by many to be the physical harm perpetrated by one member of relationship on another member, whether it be between husband and wife or parent and child. But there is more to domestic violence, or spousal abuse, than physical attacks. As one who survived and escaped the abuse of an alcoholic spouse, I experienced the full range of different forms of domestic violence. It starts slow, with little things easily overlooked or ignored. A playful smack on the arm can be a precursor to a full speed punch in the face. A rant about a bad day at work leads to vicious verbal tirades, personal attacks that leave emotional scars long after the bruises heal. And if a man will use his fists on a woman one day, he is likely to use a weapon the next day. Based on my personal experience as a victim of domestic violence for twenty years, it is a vicious on-going cycle that does not end until you leave, or end up dead. A few cases are only one or two forms of abuse, often not recognized as such. My case spanned them all: verbal, emotional, psychological, and physical/sexual abuse.

Verbal abuse is displayed in every way from minor name-calling, or joking, to furious, humiliating tirades, from giving orders to demanding you leave. The abuser uses vulgar language and insults, and shows no respect to the victim as a human being. He rants and raves about everything from a bad day on the job or his employer to money, to housework, to false accusations. My abuser frequently called me nasty, vulgar names and told me how worthless I was and that no other man would ever put up with me-part of the control factor of an abusive relationship. These tirades can vary in frequency, increasing over time, especially under the influence of alcohol or drugs. In my case, they occurred nightly by the time I left him.

Emotional abuse goes hand in hand with verbal abuse. When the verbal tirade puts the victim in tears, the abuser professes his love, often in an embrace, and swears it won't happen again. It is a lie as the abuser knows he has the victim right where he wants her. By now, he has alienated the woman from her family and if she has friends, they are often his friends so has no one to turn to for help. She depends only on him and he is in control. The abuser withdraws and bestows his love according to whether or not the victim agrees with him in everything. If she disagree or has a different opinion, or even just tries to defend herself,

• 1
• 2
• Next Page >>