by V. Z. Marcus

Created on: September 21, 2009   Last Updated: September 27, 2009

If you are a parent, sooner or later you will encounter some kind of a disagreement with your teenager, and on occasion those disagreements can lead to problems that not only affects your teen, but the rest of the family. It is a fact of life that these disagreements will occur between you and your teen, and it's your job as the parent or mentor to make sure that things are resolved in the best way possible. You might be wondering how this is done.

Fortunately, there are several steps that you can take to deal with disagreements with your teen, that rely on a few simple ideas that if understood, can make your role as a parent or mentor much easier and more effective.

-Identify. This first step has to do with recognizing the existence of a disagreement, and identifying it's root cause. The cause might be a conflict of interest, or a simple misunderstanding. Whatever the case, it's important that both sides have a clear understanding of the issue before a resolution can begin to take place.

-Listen. It's important that you listen to your teens side of the disagreement, however difficult it might be. You must realize that there is a reason for the way they are thinking, and the more you understand that way of thinking, the better the relationship with your teen will be. Sit them down and allow them the time to explain, they will respect you more for it.

-Take your turn. Once you've heard your teens side of the disagreement, make sure that you fully explain your side of the disagreement. It's important that you are calm and thorough in your explanation, and that your teen does not interrupt you in the process. The language you use is important because at times, your teenager might think that you are talking down to them. Be tough in your role as the parent or mentor, but don't dominate the conversation.

-Consider. It's time to think about the disagreement with both sides in mind, and consider the best way to resolve it. Keep in mind that what you decide might not make your teen very happy, and it can lead to further disagreements down the road. Also, keep in mind that being fair with your teen is an excellent way of building trust and a healthy relationship. You might be tempted to punish your teen in your decision, but ask yourself if that really necessary, and will it lead to problems down the road. Think ahead and be thoughtful about the future.

-Deliberate. At the end of the day you are the one in charge. As a parent you are fully responsible for your teen and their well being. You must deliberate now on the disagreement with both sides considered, keeping in mind that your teen will probably be unhappy with your decision. Depending on how immediate the disagreement is, you might elect to think about your deliberation for a few days, giving it as much thought as you can before you decide. Reassure them that it is for their benefit and it is the right thing to do in the long run. It's vitally important that your teen sees that you are firm in what you have decided and that you have taken the time to listen to them in the process.

If you can follow these steps with the well being of your teen in mind, you might notice that these disagreements you have been encountering are easier to deal with than you ever thought possible. Remember, being a parent or mentor means dealing with these disagreements, it's a fact of life. But these disagreements don't have to control your life. Be tough in your role and don't give in!

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