by Robin Tidwell

Created on: September 21, 2009   Last Updated: September 23, 2009

It can be very difficult to plan celebrations and holidays as part of a blended family. Both components of the new family bring different traditions and expectations, such as to travel or not, certain types of decorating, whom to invite, and so forth. Religious background also certainly plays a part, but the most pressing issue during celebrations and holidays, for a family of divorce, is the visitation schedule.

In some families, holidays are alternated; in some, holidays are split by very specific start- and end-times. Sometimes, too, a parent will insist on changes, even last-minute, to the visitation schedule. Unreasonable parents are very trying: they want what they want, when they want it, and that usually means "right now"!

The best way to begin is by checking and double-checking the visitation schedule; know if the children will be spending a holiday or part of a holiday with you or with the other parent. Once this is established, inform the kids in an age-appropriate manner, and start making your plans.

If travel is involved, be sure to account for any extra time needed, and allow time to obtain any necessary documents, such as for overseas travel. If your ex-spouse is generally uncooperative, this may take months of negotiations.

When dates, times, and locations are determined, it's time to tackle traditions. Kids can be creatures of habit - as can adults - and sometimes will insist on continuing certain customs. Keep in mind that there are many alternatives: something entirely new for everyone, incorporating some traditions but not others, and of course, allowing everyone some input in the decisions.

Naturally, as the adult, you will make some of those decisions in which there will be little compromise. This is perfectly fine, as you are part of the family as well.

For example, if both sets of kids insist on having "their" angel atop the Christmas tree, put both of them up or, with slightly more time and trouble, make up a chart to alternate each year. The danger, of course, is losing the chart or forgetting whose turn it is, but if you put up two angels, who cares? The kids will remember the fairness; they aren't concerned with the appearance.

Don't stress over gifts either; buy as you do normally, allowing an approximate amount for each child. Don't be concerned over who gets what and in which household. Divorce stinks for everyone, yes, and some kids almost, kind of, make up for that by having duplicate gift-giving households. That's just the way it is. Some kids go to more parties and outings, and sometimes it's hard to explain to them.

Remember to be on-time and courteous and polite at kid-exchanges, especially regarding holidays and other celebrations. Sometimes that, too, can be difficult, but do some deep-breathing and focus your energies elsewhere; eventually it will all pass.

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