by Tammy Vallee

Created on: February 11, 2007   Last Updated: March 27, 2008

As a parent, you want the best for your child. You want them to grow up to be a good person, successful, healthy, and happy. You want to see them make friends, use their talents, and be able to deal with whatever comes their way. The most important thing as a parent is helping your child develop a strong self-esteem. A child with a healthy self-esteem grows up to be a successful adult. Your child's self-esteem is the armour that you give them to protect them in life.

You need to be a positive mirror for your child. You, the parent compete with other mirrors in your child's life such as their friends, teachers,etc. There is a way to build up your child's self-esteem and it requires you to take a hard look at yourself, your child, and how you ommunicate to them.

It is not easy to truly see you child for who he or she really is. Your hopes and fears clouds you view. To accurately see your child, you need to:

1. Recognize their unique abilities.
2. Be able to understand their behavior in the context of who they are.
3. Focus on changing only the behavior that needs to be changed.
4. Accept your child for who they are...then they can accept themselves.

The next thing you need to do is create a list of positive quailities the are all ready present in your child. Then, pick two or three that you want to re-enforce. re-enforcing real positive quailities is an important strategy in building self-esteem. Here are three ways you do just that:

1. Notice examples of ability in many different circumstances.
2. Find occassion to frequently praise your child.
3. Give your child the opportunity to show his/her ablility frequently.

These three steps will re-enforcce the positive behavior. Continue going through the list you made of your child's positive quailities. As you start to see your child in a positive way, so will your child.

Every action your child makes is an attempt to meet their needs. This is true whether or not the behavior is aceptable. Create a list of unacceptable behavior that your child demonstrates. Then ask your self for every negative behavior on the list:

1. What need is being expressed by this behavior?
2. Can I see a positive quality being expressed by this behavior?
3. How can I help my child express this quality and meet his/her needs in a more positive way?

Remember, some of the behaviors that annoy you may be related to your child's age or the culture that they live in.

You should always take the time to really listen to your child. Listening to how they feel is a key part of building their self-esteem.

HOW LISTEN TO YOUR CHILD:

1. Make sure that you are ready to listen.
2. Give your child your full attention.
3. Minimize distractions.
4. Be an active listener.
5. Invite your child to talk.

WHAT TO LISTEN FOR:

1. Listen for the point of the story.
2. Don't feel as if you have to fix things.
3. Listen and respond to their feelings.

Always encourage your child to express their feelings in a positive way.
1. In a safe, accepting environment.
2. Find different ways to ventilate.
3. Encourage them to use their imagination to express themselves.
4. Share your own personal experiences with them about their situation.
5. Be a good role model.

When all is said and done, you as the parent need to continuously praise your child for positive behavior. You need to listen to them and help them understand what they are going through. It all comes down to the very basic concept of communication within the family. When given the right tools, our children will growup to be successful, and happy adults.

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