by Ruthie Lancaster

Created on: September 20, 2009

Dear Ms Know It All,

I am an older woman but still "HOT" and I know men find me attractive. Unfortunately, all my life men have been intimidated by my looks. They are so afraid of rejection that they avoid me. I am so desperate that I have even considered Internet dating. What would you suggest? Signed, Mirror-Mirror.

Dear Mirror, Ms Know-It-All has tried Internet Dating and it has its pros and cons. The pros are the guys you hope to meet and the cons are the ones you probably will meet. Seriously, Ms Know-It-All prefers the old fashioned, tried and true method of mate chasing. She writes her name and phone number on the wall of the men's room.

Dear Ms Know-It-All, My girlfriend just started college and she was spending a lot of late study nights with her young, handsome algebra professor but suddenly, she was promoted to trigonometry after only a month. Once again she is spending late study nights with her even younger and more handsome trig professor. I know I should be proud of her progress but I can't help being a tad bit jealous of all the time she is spending with these handsome academic types. Signed, Lonely and Suspicious

Dear Lonely, Ms Know-It-All may be a tad suspicious herself but she wonders if your jealousy doesn't have some merit. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'There are 3 sides to every triangle.'' And it seems as if your girlfriend has enough angles to please the entire mathematical department in her quest for education. Ms Know-It-All calculates that in a very short time your young lady will be promoted to calculus.

Dear Ms Know-It-All, My 80 year old grandpa is getting married to an old lady of the same age. I can't figure out why they would bother. Neither of them has money and they are both old as sin and look their age. The only difference I can see between them is the lady does have a bit more hair than Gramps. Please tell me there can be some reason for this marriage that is not (ugh) physical. Signed, Disgusted to the Bone

Dear Disgusted, Companionship could be one reason but Ms Know-It-All is putting her money on physical needs being the reason for the nuptials. Holding hands on the porch swing is very sweet but at their age the real need is to have a willing and even eager partner when the time comes to have a reciprocal toenail-clipping tryst.

Dear Ms Know-It-All, My fiance always seems to have an answer for everything. How can I tell if he is really as smart as he seems to think he is? I'm worried that I may be marrying the male version of Ms Know-It-All. Signed, Need to know Soonest.

Dear Needy, First, you need to understand the fundamental truth concerning marriage. Marriage is a relationship, in which one person is always right, and the other is the husband. However, if you have ever heard your fiance start a sentence with the words..."A woman once told me...."? Grab him! You have a genius there.

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