by Michelle Brutvan

Created on: September 20, 2009

Death and Dying:

Have you ever watched someone you know slowly fade away? I've seen this once and have been forever changed. The process of moving towards one's fate of death can be excruciating and life changing, to say the very least.

For me, the experience of watching someone I know and love slowly die has changed how I look at life. My beloved grandmother went through this horrible process in the hospice unit at my local hospital this past June. I've never known anything like it and can say for certain I wish to never again.

As much as the dying process is a part of life, I can never be comfortable with watching someone go through it. My grandmother at 92 years of age was at a point where her health and body were failing to be able to keep her alive any longer. Now bare this in mind, she has been a strong woman her entire life, raising a family of three children and fourteen grandchildren, without a complaint to anyone. She has survived the loss of a sibling, a husband who was absent for the first year of their first child's life because of war, and other life complications, to come to her death bed, finally a weakened woman. I must say to see her in this state not only brought me to a state of bewilderment, but of sadness for her time to come.

Her life had been played out for the way she most intended. She gave of herself without asking for anything in return. So to see her now where she could do no more brought grief and disparity for my entire family. No one ever wants to see their loved ones fade away and leave their side. But we all know the day will come when we are forced to say goodbye.

When we lose someone, from ailment or accident, saying goodbye is easier when we don't watch them actually go through the dying experience. When someone is elderly and placed into a hospice care unit, it is an entirely different scenario. Some who enter this place of final farewell, are those of terminal illness or ones who simply have no more options at remaining at this race we call life. The case was of the latter for my dear and greatly missed grandmother.

It was about four weeks before she was to pass, that she was placed into the hospice unit at the local hospital. All who could possibly make it came to visit her and stayed longingly by her side. For me the trip to come to see her was harder than I realized. I had to force myself and put my fears aside, to come and be strong for my mother, to be sure to properly prepare to say goodbye. My family and I all knew what was coming; it was simply a matter of when. My grandmother made sure to hold on until all could come say their farewell, whether it was by phone or in person. This all went on for an entire month. At about midway through June, around the 7th, she finally did pass. This time was unfortunate for my mother, but unforgettable for my grandmother. My mother's birthday is on the 10th of June, the day we held her funeral. It has been stated in brochures by the hospice unit that the one going through the dying experience chooses a day to pass that they will most be remembered. Naturally, no one would forget my mother's birthday; therefore, we would not forget my grandmother's death.

I personally would never need reminding of the passing of someone who had so much meaning in my life. I may not remember every single anniversary or birthday of my five siblings, but one thing is for sure, I would never forget when such an amazing human being left my life. This woman may never know the impact she had on everyone's life, particularly my own, but I will vow until my dying day to always make sure everyone knows of her true majesty. She was a rare woman indeed, carrying traits I can only hope to duplicate.

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