by Natalie Powell

Created on: September 20, 2009

Is shaken not stirred a recipe for a blended family? Yes, there are going to be times you are shaken as well as painfully stirred by emotions within the concoction that is a blended family. Having successfully navigated and survived the blending of a diverse family I created a recipe for survival.

Families are made up of different ideals, varied perceptions, and a diverse set of emotions. While none are the same, each unique to each individual, we do have many issues in common. There isn't a special trick to accomplish the right blend nor is every problem solved by a one-size-fits-all plan. One thing I must stress: humor can make this journey far easier.

Clean off the counter. I know this seems unrelated but it isn't. We all carry into relationships parts of those we had prior. Those left-over hurts can unravel even the strongest relationship. Make a commitment to not drag out those issues you have with either of the ex's in front of the kids. This is your baggage and the kids can't carry it-they shouldn't have to. They have issues of their own. The pain and suffering (scrubbing and cleaning) of that surface is going to give you a whole new place to create new. Make a choice to be above trashing that exthe kids will appreciate it.

Get a really big bowl. Every relationship needs a solid foundation and your marriage relationship is that bowl. As a couple you must agree on child rearing which includes discipline and household rules. You must stand as a united force or fail miserably. Disagreements are going to happen but do everything possible to have them in private. Kids smell disagreements and interpret them with fear. The beginning of first year we disciplined our own kids and consulted each other in private. Eventually we became interchangeable.

Get your ingredients. Gather up everyone and have a family meeting to create your family rules, guidelines and consequences. The goal here is to find common ground, create a plan to navigate your lives, and find meaning in your relationships. By making everyone part of this creation they are all consulted, opinions heard, and all is in agreement about those rules and consequences which makes enforcing them easier. As parents, your job is to be consistent. Fairness has just been established. I suggest you type up your family recipe and hang it in a prominent place so anyone can refer to it as needed.

Gently Stir. There are going to be adjustments and rough spots so scrape the sides of the bowl and gently fold them

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