by Jennifer Brinkle

Created on: February 11, 2007   Last Updated: May 02, 2007

Throughout our lives we go through many life altering phases. Graduating from college, moving away from home, finding a new career, getting married, having children, these are but a few emotionally challenging times we will face over our lifetime. All of these events are exciting and new experiences and pave new paths into our unknown future. When a person faces divorce however, this new venture has turned from an exciting one into one filled with fear, anxiety and uncertainty.

There are many factors involved in the ending of a relationship. One thing is certain; all individuals involved will be faced with a remarkable change in their lives. Before you can begin to start over after a divorce, you must first cope with the loss of your partnership.

There are a variety of ways that individuals respond to this loss. There are no set of standards and no two people will ever respond to the same loss in the same way. Whether you personally are going through this change or whether you know someone who is, knowing and understanding these stages can help facilitate the healing process.

Denial is often experienced by someone who is on the receiving end of the divorce. Often they will think "this can't be happening to me." Months or even years of arguments, separation, feelings of isolation will all be forgotten during this state of shock as the person tries to ignore what is truly happening.

Anger is almost certain to be experienced by all. New arguments will be started, accusations thrown and, unfortunately, it is during this stage that many seek some sort of financial or material compensation as a type of "payment" for their pain and general feeling of helplessness. It is a natural response to want to lash out at the person who is responsible for your feelings of abandonment. If you were financially dependent on your spouse, of course you should seek some financial help in the beginning but trying to take everything that they own will only put a bandage on what you are feeling and will not help you in the end. If you helping someone else cope with a divorce, it is more important for friends and family to be supportive but not get involved in this stage. Some relationships heal over time and they will remember all of the nasty words you said about their ex.

Guilt is another stage many endure. The "I could have" and "I should have" scenarios run rampant. That somehow they were responsible for the divorce and should have been able to do something to prevent it. It is important

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