by Andrea-Lee Peters

Created on: September 18, 2009   Last Updated: September 19, 2009

It is important to realise when searching for an answer to this question, that there is no correct answer. Everyone is different and therefore deals with grief and loss in different ways. What works for one individual, may not work for another.

Firstly, a death within a family is alway difficult to deal with, and it is important to remember that all circumstances are different. Unfortunately in this life nothing is ever simple and we must remember that not just those that are old die. We lose parents, grandparents and siblings. None of these are easy to accept, but all evoke different grieving emotions.

As a friend you must realise that you cannot solve the problem. Just as your friend who is grieving today hurts, they may still be grieving five years down the line. Loss does not go away, it fades, but is with you forever! Listen to your friend, if they need to talk, be there. It doesn't matter if you don't have the answer, what is important is the fact that you are there, and they know you are. They don't want you to tell them how to manage, or for you to judge them if they aren't, they just need to know someone is on their side. Someone is in their corner.

From experiencing loss myself I know there is no easy answer. The pain comes and goes depending on the day and circumstances unfolding in your life. As a friend on the outside all you can do is be there. I've had good friends who have been there regardless of how messed up I have been feeling, and I've had friends that just expect me to "get over it." This is something that never happens and they unfortunately have yet to learn this.

Grief is something you learn to cope with. Don't expect a friend to be okay three weeks later, this is not going to happen. Even if they appear to be okay, it's likely they aren't and only putting on a show to be brave. If your friend appears to be this way then just reassure them you are available to listen anytime. They may be afraid of letting go and truly feeling the loss they have experienced. At some point they will need you.

A good friend is one there no matter what, under any circumstance. A good friend gives support in any situation. Be the best friend you can!

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