by Eileen Bailey

Created on: September 18, 2009

Changing your last name in itself is an innocent act. However, the act of women abandoning their name for their husband's crosses the line of gender equality. If this system was truly equal, it would be just as common for men to change to their wife's name. But the system is not equal: while it is customary for women to lose that piece of their identity, it is seen as strange for a man to do the same thing.

This ideal originated hundreds of years ago, when women were considered property of men. Because of their designation as mere objects, women took the name of their husband; this signified that the woman belonged to the man. By following in that tradition, we are acting in parallel submission to the whims of gender designation.

We may have broken through the glass ceiling, but up ahead looms another one. If women continue to conform to gender-based values in our society, it will not be possible for us to be seen as completely equal to men. Even if the ideal of equality can never be realized, we as a people should still strive to achieve such justice in our community. As men and women are neither less intelligent nor less capable than one another based solely on their gender, we must prove that this value is true. One of the ways to show this is to keep our maiden name; by doing so, we are showing that we as women have no need to sacrifice part of our name to a man.

Keeping your maiden name does not make you a radical feminist. It simply shows that you are your own person, and that you have no need to subjugate yourself to a man. It would be the same in a reverse situation; a man should neither subjugate himself to a woman. The difference is that women are expected by society to commit the act, whilst men are not. Keeping your maiden name does not mean you are lashing out at the normalcies of society, but that you are independent enough to have your own identity.

Some technical considerations may arise in this circumstance. First of all, hyphenated names must be considered. Hyphenated names are a great solution; you still adopt your husband's name, showing your unity, but he also adopts yours, which shows you are on equal footing. Regarding children, hyphenated names are not a problem. My mother kept her maiden name (Caffrey) and gave me a hyphenated name, and I have no problems with it; the hyphenated name is actually something I really enjoy, since it is unique.

There should be no problem on your husband's part. He may not want a hyphenated name, but he should be fine with you keeping your maiden name. If he is not fine with it, there exists gender bias within his mind because he believes you should give up your name while he keeps his own. In that situation, you can either conform to his views or decide to make your own decisions; really, if the man loves you, he should be willing to accept your choice to assert yourself. If not, it may be time to have a serious talk with him.

Overall, keeping your maiden name is advisable because it's really not that beneficial to change it. If you take your husband's name and he doesn't take yours, you are only showing that you are willing to submit yourself to him; there are usually no other benefits to having his name. Since there is nothing to gain by taking your husband's name besides a sense of his ownership of you, why would you choose to take it?

Keeping your maiden name is the most simple and assertive action you can take in this situation. There is no harm in retaining your identity, and making that choice will promote a sense of equality between genders in our society.

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