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If this article stinks, don't blame me, I sat down this morning to write something funny. I like to write first thing in the morning when the only thing that is fresh is the idea in my head. There I am, hair disheveled with two cups of coffee and smoking like a train. I tell myself good artists have to suffer. I try to think of something humorous. This should be easy for an aging hippie. I attack the keyboard. Now what is that smell? I know I need a shower, but I can't be that bad. I sniff again, then I see it, out of the corner of my eye looming at me from the kitchen. There is the white plastic bin with yesterdays garbage. I try to ignore it but it nags at me like a corn on my little toe,"Leave me alone, can't you see I am trying to write?) I growl. But the thing just moves itself closer to me. I'll have my daughter do it when she wakes up. My daughter is a beautiful, kind ,young ,Greek-American women, but she's a little devious. She is like a statute of a Greek goddess in a museum that comes up in kicks you in the behind. I hear the sound of whispers coming from the hallway. My neighbors are surely talking about my garbage and how it stinks, and they will soon be complaining to maintenance about me. Oh come on, you're losing it! Just finish the dumb article. I sprayed some air freshener and tried to concentrate. Now the bin starts talking to me. "You know you're addicted to this writing thing. You don't even shower, you don't take out the garbage, you need professional help. "Shut up! This isn't funny anymore. Can't you see that I'm busy? When I become rich and famous, I'm going to hire someone to take care of you! Now my cell phone rings. I grasp my chest and hyperventilate. Is it maintenance calling or those new ring tones I just downloaded?. Probably both. I can deal with distracted driving but distracted writing? I can't think and my mind is blank, I can't come up with any good article ideas. This is awful, I should just give up. What makes me think I have any talent? Maybe I can come back to this later when I'm presentable and capable of writing some thing decent. All I'm doing is writing junk that is going to outrage the readers and get me booted off the site. Maybe I should call this article,(Beginners tips on how to write garbage) or (How to lose stars at Helium). Print it!

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