Your stomach is churning, hands are trembling and your throat starts to tighten up. Yes, I am a telemarketer but fortunately, my employer refers to my position as a Membership Associate. Thank goodness! It just sounds more professional when you tell people what you do for a living. I'm scrolling up and down on my script page on the computer trying to prepare myself to give this excruciating presentation over the phone. OK, here it goes.

Hi, my name is Toni, may I please speak with Mr./Mrs.(fill in the blank)?

No you may not! cClick.

The automated system goes onto the next customer. And this is just the beginning of my day. I find myself drawing, creating lists as each new call goes unanswered. Finally, someone picks up again and you can tell it's an elderly woman because her speech is slow and she's speaking very loudly.

HELLO? says the older woman unknowingly answering a telemarketing call.

Hi, my name is Toni, may I please speak with Mr./Mrs.(fill in the blank)?

I'm Mrs.____, what do you want? Where are you callin' from? If you're sellin something I ain't got no money ! She caught on pretty quickly. But, I proceed anyways with my opening pitch about where I'm calling from and why I'm calling her today. She decides to stay on the line (I know this because I asked if she was still on the line. Sometimes you're unable to tell if the customer is still listening to you so it's best to confirm if they're still there.)

I go into more detail about a special contest we are having and we are offering all these great gifts if you just come into our showroom. She confirms her interest by asking what the gifts would be if she came in. I press on. I now begin the part of the script where we need to qualify the customer. We do this because the organization I work for wants to target a specific group that will benefit from our products. In other words, they want people who are huge consumers particularly in home furnishings. I asked the dreaded income question which always disqualifies the majority of the people I speak with on the phone. Here it goes.

Mrs.____, would you say your total household income is above or below $40,000 a year? I patiently await her answer as she grabs a calculator. I here the ticking and all I need is a yes to send this promotional material out to her. She finally answers.

Well, I'm just a little bit under, but can I still come in to get my free gifts?

I have to tell her no. We were specifically told no one under $40,000 could qualify for this promotion. Now, she begins the rant.

I just went through this whole entire call and now I can't even come in! That's (use any profanity you want, I think she used everyone). Don't ever call me back!

I tell her I'm truly sorry but actually I'm not. The cost to join this organization is outrageous and anyone that pays to be a member is being scammed. But in order to keep my job, I politely thank her for her time and then she calls me some not so nice adjectives over the phone. Well, onto the next call.

Learn more about this author, Toni Foyer.
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