by Tom Brend

Created on: September 17, 2009   Last Updated: September 18, 2009

I joined the military because I had to. Every German male over 18 years of age will be conscripted for at least 9 months. The only way out is by not passing the medical or psychological screening; conscientous objectors will have to perform a civilian service for 9 months. If you read this very article, you are probably from the US. And I'm sure you don't care much about the peculiarities of military service in the German "Bundeswehr". On the other hand, some things are the same in every military organization. I'm not here to talk to you about generalities, but rather my first-hand experience with the military from the rank of a Private.

Some people have glorious associations with military duty. They see their service as lived patriotism, and, in times of global terrorism, often see a career in the military as the right thing to do. Well, that is good for initial motivation - it may not bring you through the same daily routine forever. Typical military tasks in the lower ranks are repetitive and not very challenging. If you consider yourself even the slightest bit an intellectual, we have the first reason not to join the military: Boredom. Imagine yourself standing at a gate and, well, nothing ever happens. But you still would have to concentrate as if something drastic might happen anytime soon. If you're not bothered by that, congratulations, you passed the first hurdle of becoming a soldier.

Your first day will not be nice. Your basic training will not be nice. Your future comrades might be playing it cool, but the stress of basic training affects everyone. And in the course of basic training, you will see some people lose their head who acted cool all along. The military is not only a surprising perspective into human psychology, but also very funny at times. There, I said it. Sometimes it can be fun, but in a twisted, military-influenced sort of way with lots of seedy practical jokes and cocky talk. If you are able to take and dish out such jokes and pranks, you're in good company. But we are still at basic training. And this is the first time I am actually able to give you a reason to join the military: You'll learn to clean. You will clean more than ever before. You may polish the same spot for like 10 minutes. It is already clean, but, who cares, right? I call this phantom activity, because you are like a ghost to your instructors. To them, it looks like you're actually productive, but you are earning money by moving your hand in a circular motion.

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