by Timo Cerantola

Created on: September 17, 2009   Last Updated: September 18, 2009

It's the Apocalypse Baby! Let the Fat Lady Sing

The end of the world is coming very, very soon. I know this because it's almost the year 2012 and besides, it was written right on the front page of a very popular supermarket tabloid.

True, the headline was very precise. "The end of the world is coming December 23, 2012 - at midnight." I wonder, is that Eastern Standard Time? (Check your local listings for your end of the world).

Anyway, I'm now convinced that it's almost the end of the world. Hey, that's what it said right on the front page, in big bold letters - just below the picture of Pedro, the chicken juggling goat boy from Argentina.

Lately, I've noticed that some of those TV evangelists have jumped on the 2012 doom and gloom bandwagon. I guess they were pretty disappointed when Y2K Doomsday 2000 never happened. But now, in view of very reliable, almost undeniable proof, they're hitching their religious death wagons to the Mayan Calendar event instead. Indeed. They'd hate to miss out on any chance of global destruction. I guess god must be pretty pissed-off.

Mind you, it is a very thoughtful god who gives exact dates and times for global demolition. That way, his believers will know when to get ready to bite the big cookie. Really, only a nice god would be so precise and punctual about ending the world. But that's god for you - caring, capable, skillful. He was very creative as a child you know.

As I see it, there are some huge advantages to having a specific date on which to end the world. Think about it, if the end were to come on some random date and time like August 26th, 2023 at 1:42 pm - it would surprise the living crap out of everyone. I know that if I were a follower of that particular death cult, I'd be really ticked. I wouldn't be prepared. I probably wouldn't be wearing clean underwear. My mother always warned me to wear clean underwear just in case of emergency - not that they'd be clean for very long if the world were exploding.

Anyways, I've often wondered how humankind's collective demise would occur. Will our sun go nova; another flood; or maybe a giant asteroid will crash into the earth and smash our world into a billion, trillion bits that will float freely and die in the frigid airless vacuum of space? Ouch!

My personal favourite end of the world scenario has always been alien invasion. I guess all those Star Trek repeats really messed up my brain. Still, the idea of multi-tentacled, one-eyed space aliens zapping humanity into mammal

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