by Merri Sharp

Created on: February 11, 2007   Last Updated: April 23, 2007

Men and women may have different anatomy and some differences in emotional expression, but they share one major thing in common - they're both human. That's a pretty substantial common ground to share, and that's why men and women are able to forge any kind of relationship, be it friendship or otherwise. The tricky part is that becoming friends with someone generally means coming to know the intimate details of their personality, perspectives, and values. And, if you're friends, usually that's because you like what you know of the other person. When you like someone as a person, and feel that they have real value to you, you begin to see them differently.

You know the expression, "Beauty comes from the inside"? It's TRUE. Have you ever met someone who was exceptionally good looking, but, their arrogance made them repulsive? Have you ever met someone you thought was only average looking, but after a meaningful conversation, you found them beautiful? When you know someone, and you make an opinion on how you feel about them, it shapes how you see them. Often that means that an attraction will develop.

The good news is that if both parties are attracted to the other, your friendship is solid foundation to build on. The bad news, is that often in friendship, feelings of attraction are one-sided.

I've been in both situations. When I wanted to date my friend, but he didn't return my feelings, we talked about it and were able to find a workable resolution - I agreed that I wouldn't act on my feelings, and he agreed to be sensitive to them, (basically, I said I wouldn't try to kiss him, and he said he wouldn't talk about how hot he thought some other girl was). Sure, it was awkward for a while, but only about a week, and then everything went back to normal. Another time, I developed a great friendship with this guy, we had amazing times together and genuinely enjoyed each other's company, and we joked about how everyone said we should date. Then, one night, we talked about dating - how we felt about the idea - and that lead to our first kiss. I married him two years later, and we are enjoying a happily after.

So, can you be just friends? Yes. But, 99% of the time, their are feelings of attraction laying below it, hoping to surface. If you are honest about your feelings, whether you like them or they like you, your friendship can usually survive.

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