by Rachelle de Bretagne

Created on: September 16, 2009

This article is written for a very specific reason. Having lost a spouse at the age of 31, the grieving process was much different from what I have envisioned, and because of this, the article is dedicated to people who want to know more about what happens and how to deal with the grief which follows the loss. It's a strange situation for everyone concerned, and it is hoped that this will throw a little light on the feelings which go hand in hand with loss. Bottled up grief, as I call it, can last for years. It can surface many years after the event, though if you allow the grief process to run its natural course, this can be avoided. In my particular case, this lasted nineteen years, simply because I had no idea of how I was supposed to behave or react and in fact, went on with my life as if nothing had happened.

*Instant reactions.

*The slow process of acceptance.

*Dealing with the formalities.

*Dealing with friendships.

*Understanding your own needs.

Instant reactions.

Everyone's instant reaction is different. There is a period of disbelief. A void within your life isn't easily described or understood. A person you love is no longer there, and regardless of how well you got on with them, or whether the death follows as the logical conclusion of health considerations, it is still a void. The instant reactions can vary from tears to a hollow surreal situation. You may question why things are still going on outside as if nothing happened? Feelings of anger are common, and feelings of this nature are a human being's method of apportioning blame, in an attempt to understand what has happened.

The slow process of acceptance.

Many people think that the funeral of a loved one is the end of the process of acceptance. It isn't always. While some can seal their grief and acceptance at the funeral, others cannot. Acceptance is that period when you can look at memories comfortably and feel at peace with those memories. These may be overtaken by memories of the death for a while, making it hard to remember without pain. It's hard to let go, and while some cannot let go because they feel it is disloyal to their loved one, what they don't realize is that this is part and parcel of the grieving process, which helps those memories of better times to come back and be part of who they are singularly.

Dealing with the formalities.

This is a very strange concept. The formalities of death certificates and burials seems very unreal. It has to be dealt with at a

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