by Kamryn Adams

Created on: September 16, 2009   Last Updated: September 17, 2009

October is National Domestic Violence Awareness month. My research has shown me one important fact: Domestic violence does not have a face. Women of all educational and economic backgrounds can become victims of domestic violence and domestic abuse. It happens in inner cities and suburbs, in public schools and preparatory schools. Women of various ages, races, and social statures are victimized by men who supposedly love them.

Let's first define domestic violence. Domestic violence is the willful intimidation, physical assault, battery, sexual assault, and/or other abusive behavior perpetrated by an intimate partner against another.

One in every four women will experience domestic violence in her lifetime. Women ages 20-24 are most likely to be abused by an intimate partner. Almost one third of female homicide victims are cases of domestic violence. Young women should understand that dominant and controlling behavior is not a form of love; it's domestic abuse. Often young women confuse his jealousy with love.

Be very cautious of a man who is excessively jealous and controlling of your time or behavior. Though his anger may be projected toward the "other" person, it will eventually turn on you. Some 18.5 million mental health visits each year are due to the devastating effects of domestic abuse.

If you are lucky enough to escape an abusive relationship, it is imperative that you seek help for the mental and emotional scars that you've suffered. Women lose their self-esteem, ability to reason, and joy of life when involved with an abusive man. You can become depressed, develop eating disorders, anxiety, and other illness that need to be treated by a certified medical professional.

Verbal abuse is probably the most overlooked form of domestic abuse. Because of so many tragic stories of physical abuse, people may minimize the verbal assault that happens to them daily. Name calling, putdowns, profanity are all forms of domestic abuse. A partner who constantly criticizes things or people you love is a domestic abuser. Sometimes the scars from verbal abuse are deeper and take longer to heal than those of physical domestic violence.

You cannot allow even the slightest abuse to go unnoticed. Excessive criticism and control are usually the first signs of an abusive partner. How many abused women have I heard say, "Well, he just slapped me" or "He doesn't hit me - he just pushes me sometimes"? Not all of these women are alive to tell how the tragedy began in their lives. Domestic violence takes many forms. It is not just physical battery. In form of behavior used to intimidate an intimate partner is considered domestic violence/abuse.

If you are in an abusive relationship. Seek help today. The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).

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