by Gabriella Clegg

Created on: September 15, 2009   Last Updated: March 03, 2012

I tried to kill myself in my first loves backyard. No, let me narrow down the word love. She was an elementary school crush, and certainly not the first. A girl from day and night dreams had been my original heart throb. Yet I abandoned that interest after facing what adults insisted was reality. Although Lydia wasn't as intriguing as my fantasy girl she was a real cutie, all the boys in our class liked her; but not any girls. I suppose that was the game's starting point.

Children don't really think before acting. They don't realize it at the time, but it's a fact the lower the age, the less consideration goes into thought before moving. That's why I wasn't so nervous confessing to Lydia that I like liked her. It had felt so good to get it out, my adolescent mind entertaining it's self with images of fake marriage at recess, my generations favorite break pastime.
Brain distracted I didn't notice her alarmed, almost disturbed expression. If I think really hard I can almost remember her sickly white skin, features ill looking. To her convenience I didn't receive an answer right away, a bell signaling playtime end delaying my doom.

It was after school that my excitement reached new peaks. Lydia approaching me with that dolls adorable smile she had, bouncing on her feet like she did while skipping rope. Meet me behind the school at seven. She giggled knowing I lived a block's walk away. I want to answer you properly there.
Of course I went. It was nearing summer, so my night fall curfew wouldn't interfere till about nine. Plenty of time to gossip about who our pretend bride's maids would be. So enthused I hardly remember the trip back to school or where I abandoned my bright purple bike.

Lydia had changed from school attire, wearing jeans and a t-shirt compared to the black dress she had been adorning earlier, to war clothing I would soon realize. Moving away from the titer totter she leaned against I almost fainted at a smile she flashed me. Like a siren cooing a sailor she eased me over and, somehow, on the playgrounds sand. Her expression transformed from my Greek goddess to Medusa.

I abruptly became aware of my position as the titer-totter slammed against my chest. Coughing in instinctual panic I attempted to push the equipment away. Lydia was faster though, maybe because she was thinner. She sat on its seat sandwiching me between wood and ground.

She started a powered speech, declaring me a member of freakville and a resident of weirdo town. I'm not entirely

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