by Frances Laing

Created on: September 14, 2009

Parenting websites have become an important part of modern parenting. But beware. We're dealing with highly emotive issues here. Although most chat boards are well-moderated - which means offensive or derogatory comments are quickly taken down - these sites are not completely immune to cyber-bullying - as some of us have already found out to our cost.

Positive communication with other parents on parenting websites is really important and since all parenting styles are different, we really need to watch what we say - just as we might choose our words carefully at the school-gate. And it's always a challenge to write in a civil tone when you're not getting any sleep due to your children waking frequently at night, which in the early days, they inevitably do.

Sites such as 'Momsnet', 'Mumsnet' and 'Netmums' command huge audiences with a considerable income from advertising revenue. Parenting can be an isolating experience - particularly if you're a new parent, or still have pre-school age children. Whether you're a stay-at-home parent - working full-time, part-time or shifts - chances are you've visited at least one of many parenting chat rooms or message boards that you find on the Internet.

There's a huge need for parents to share experiences in this way and a huge temptation to share intimate details of your life on-line. With changes in social structure - we're not always able to do that at coffee mornings or in the playground anymore. We're increasingly reliant on the net - for information, advice and general chat on parenting topics as diverse as educational philosophies, health, nutrition, play, peer pressure, childcare and other parenting challenges.

Some of this sharing can be useful and positive. In the early days of breastfeeding - when other helplines and surgeries were closed - I found on-line forums invaluable. I wouldn't be without my favourite parenting chat board. But as well as being a practical skill - parenting is also a matter of values and principles. There are a vast number of potential flashpoints on-line: Attachment parenting - yes - or - no? Breastfeeding versus bottle-feeding. How should you discipline your child?

Some tips for positive communication:

-If you're a newbie on a particular parenting chat board - don't dive in with your opinions straight away - start off with a few neutral comments and get a feel for the tone of the site. If you're an old hand at the net - respect other newbies and try to help them along with encouraging comments.

- Parenting brings both joys and concerns. Some parents you're sharing information with on-line may not have the experience you have - give them a chance - and if you've been off hand and notice someone is offended - don't be afraid to apologise. We're all learning - all the time.

-Basic internet security measures apply. Don't give out personal information. If you decide to meet up with someone you've encountered on-line make sure you take the necessary precautions to keep you and your family safe.

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