by Timo Cerantola

Created on: September 13, 2009

The World's Greatest Lovers - Sex Survey (are not Canadian)

I recently stumbled upon a sex survey on the web. The survey, conducted by a well-known condom manufacturer, contained some very disturbing news. Canadians were hardly mentioned.

The results of the survey found that the world's greatest lovers in order of nationality were the French, the Italians and the Americans. The results were based on sex frequency, quality, safety and obviously, damned lies.

Canadians did not do very well at all. We finished a very disappointing twelfth out of fifteen industrialized nations. And so, I have three questions to ask.

1. Why wasn't I asked to list my choices for greatest lovers?

2. Who represented Canada, Guy Lombardo? (I know he's dead. That's the point!)

3. Were any of you asked to compete in a "Worlds Greatest Lover" competition? I wasn't and I'm a very good hugger. (Heck, I didn't even know we had a team).

If you look at the facts from a strictly geographical point of view, Canada has only 33 million people and is the second largest country in the world. So, that may give us the distinction of least love making per square mile, but I don't think that's what we're talking about here.

Both Italy and France would fit into Canada ten times or more and, both have twice Canada's population. So granted, that is an impressive amount of baby making - but did they really enjoy themselves that much and, more importantly, were they marking their scorecards honestly?

Now, this survey had the audacity to suggest that Canadians were a bit uptight when it came to, er..., when we uh, did... well you know, "it!"

Well! What a load of hooey that is! I like to do "it" as much as the next person. Furthermore, if I prefer to keep the details of my uh, err, horizontal dance of life experience private, that's my business - not that I always dance horizontally either.

Now, the one thing we Canadians scored (no pun intended) very well at was the in the "considerate" department. As you know, globally, we Canadians have that "nice guy" image. So we were awarded big points for being "considerate" lovers. Doesn't exactly suggest that we're setting our bedrooms on fire with passion, does it?

Seriously, what does "considerate" mean in this context anyways?

"Considerate," from where I stand, is always putting the toilet seat back down or never flushing while your partner is in the shower. But, according to this dumb survey, "considerate" where Canadians are concerned means, when making

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