by Sol Rayos

Created on: September 13, 2009   Last Updated: September 15, 2009

Two Words. FREE STUFF! Again, two words. FREE BEER! And two more. FREE FOOD! And then just two more, 'cause why not. HOT GIRLS! Reflecting upon these few simple additions to your tailgating party convinces me of the universality of these essentials whenever you're planning anything and want it to be popular. Now pay attention because here are the Whys and Whats that you'll want to keep at the forefront of your mind when trying to be popular or throw a popular party.

Let's start with HOT GIRLS, they are a must have. Hot girls serve two main purposes in any popularity scenario, they demonstrate the worth of the people that they associate with (the hotter they are the higher your worth) and they attract attention. This attention needs to be managed though or else you could find yourself in trouble. The attention needs to be focused on you the host because you're the one who wants to be known for throwing the best tailgate. That means that you need to have a hot girl by your side at all times. You're also going to want to use this attention to bring in more hot girls because nothing is better bait when trolling for hot girls than other hot girls. Use guppies to bring in goliath groupers if you'd like. In other words climb the food chain, trade up. Because if you're surrounded by hot girls then you'll be surrounded by desperate guys fawning over them and because these girls are with you it will garner the respect of lesser men. That basically covers the HOT GIRLS.

Now on to FREE FOOD, this will bring in all sorts of people so you've got to be careful. You only get two chances to make a first impression so make sure that the food is good. That way people will stick around so that you can make your second first impression. Cast a broad net so that you can choose what you reel in and what you release. As far as your second first impression is concerned you need to draw people into conversation, be a good host and suggest that they help themselves to the yet to be mentioned, FREE BEER, or that they converse with one of the many HOT GIRLS at your tailgate. If you can't manage to pull this off then you'll end up with a "soup kitchen-esque" tailgate and no one wants that because tailgates are about excess and you can't have excess if your conscience is nagging at you about those who are in need. So to reiterate, snag desirable tailgaters so that it's not dine and dash at your HOT GIRL, FREE FOOD, FREE BEER, AWESOME HOUR TAILGATE EXTRAVAGANZATHON!

Last step, FREE BEER.

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