by Lisenga Sutter

Created on: September 11, 2009

Letting Go With Love.

I am a mother of four, a wife, and a career woman, I was told that there is an element that women are suppose to posses, a strength and determination to succeed in every aspect of life. As a mother I know that there will not ever be a day that I will be able to call in sick for, or be able to take a vacation from being a parent. I have two 17 year olds, my daughter is my eldest, and 3 boys 17, 6, and 3. I have tried to balance all of the aspects of my life, but my daughter had plans of her own, that would throw my balance completely out of whack.

I try to guide them and teach them how to behave, morals and values that I think that they should possess. My daughter had plans of her own, that had nothing to do with what I thought was best for her. She started hanging around the wrong kind of people, and got herself into a world of trouble. I drove myself crazy trying to save her from herself, until I realized that there was only so much I was going to be able to do for her, and that she was old enough to not only know right from wrong, but to have to face the consequences of her own actions. It was a heart breaking choice that I made, but I knew that she was beyond my reach. I feared losing her forever, to the streets or worseto death. I found myself fighting a legal system that only wanted to slap her on her wrist and send her back to the streets. When the troubles first started I feared for her safety, and as it progressed I feared for her life. It was affecting my job, and the rest of my family, and I had to make a choice. I pleaded with the courts to help me find a way to help her get out of her own way, and it was an uphill fight all the way. I have been called every name under the sun other than the one that my mother gave to me, I have been told repeatedly that she hated me, and yes it hurt like hell. But still I trudged forward to find a way of forcing the legal system to see that this was more than a child that was just around the wrong kind of people, that the issues that she was dealing with were deeper than a simple bad choice here or there. My favorite justification for her actions was that she was just being a rambunctious teen. I wanted to scream in frustration, that over and over again I was in front of a judge and in a court room where everyone seemed to want to dismiss her actions with "justifiable excesses". Excuses are the foundations to monuments of nothing. I know in my heart that my daughter doesn't hate me, and I know that she really does love me, but it didn't stop those words from ripping out my heart. Through the tears that I cried and through the deafening sound of my heart breaking, I pushed even harder for her to get the help that she needed.

Bad things happen to good people every day, but there has got to be a line that is drawn and us as women stop being the victims of life. I want my daughter to know that she is a strong woman, with intelligence, and a kind heart, and that she can do anything that she puts her mind to. I will not as a women and as a mother allow her to justify her actions because she had bad things happen to her. She was abused by her boyfriend, and unfortunately she was sexually abused at a very young age. I want her to face her demons, and fight for her survival, and want life for herself as much as I do. Perhaps it is a dream of mine that she didn't share. I did know then as I do today that I will go above and beyond the call of duty to save my child. I am her mother what else could I do.

She is safe now, and currently hates me, but for her sake and my own, I had to find the will to let go with love. I will always be her mother, and will continue to fight for her life even when she wants me to stop!

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