by Esther Mills

Created on: September 09, 2009   Last Updated: July 16, 2010

So, you want to learn to write while inebriated? This is not at all a difficult skill to master, and with just a few tips under your belt, you too can join the ranks of inebriated writers such as Edgar Allan Poe, Jack London, F. Scott Fitzgerald, and Ernest Hemingway. If you are feeling intimidated, have no fear; writing while under the influence is easier than you might imagine.

(1) Keep alcohol on hand.

A drunk-writer is only as good as his tools. Whiskey, wine, and vodka are popular choices, but you will want to experiment with various alcoholic beverages until you find the one that most suits you. While you are narrowing down your choices, it may be helpful to have a few of your closest friends present.  Perhaps they would even like to assist you in the sampling of your future Muse. Do not rush your entrance into this genre with lone experimentation; there will be time enough later for the intense, solitary drunk-writing that professionals have mastered.

(2) Pour yourself a drink and minimize distractions.

Once you have settled upon your favorite liquid literary device, unplug or turn off your phone, and, if possible, disconnect your internet. Nothing can derail a masterpiece quite as quickly as the sudden 2:00 a.m. urge to contact an old lover.

(3) Allow inspiration to kick in.

Trust the drink - it will not steer you wrong. You will find yourself writing things of such literary genius that they transcend traditional spelling and coherent thought. You may even write with such brilliance that the average sober person is incapable of understanding it, which will further reinforce how intelligently you have begun to write. If this happens, you are in good company. As Hemingway himself so eloquently put it, "An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools."

(4) Ignore the naysayers.

It's lonely at the top. As your writing soars to ever greater heights of awareness, you may find your fans dropping like flies. This is to be expected. You will know your Muse has truly inspired you when you yourself can only understand your writings in an inebriated state. This should be of great encouragement to you, as it probably means you are now simply ahead of your time. Your accomplishments will most likely be posthumously recognized. Go on, celebrate this future achievement, and pour yourself another drink!

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