by Denise Calaman

Created on: September 09, 2009   Last Updated: November 04, 2010

A Family Labor Day Celebration

Every Labor Day my extended family has a picnic as a way to get together and see one another and to say goodbye to summer. Our family picnics remind me of the classic quote by Charles Dickens in one of his more famous novels, "It was the best of times. It was the worst of times. . ." Like a good novel, our Labor Day picnics are always full of high drama, excitement, suspense and lots of laughter. They are like complete novels within themselves. And just like finishing a good book if you ever attend a picnic with my family you will indeed live quite a few lives by the end of the day. And this past Labor Day was no different. In fact, this past Labor Day could have won many literary awards.

"So yeah, I'm moving to Domineeka in December," my stepsister said to me as she snapped her gum and sipped on something really quite questionable from a "Big Gulp" cup. Her eyes remained hidden behind her big oversized sunglasses but I am pretty sure they were slits from some adventures the night before.

"Are sure you don't mean Dominica?" I asked.

"No, no. I mean Domineeka. Have you ever heard of Barbados? It's near there. You know like, we're going to live off the land and stuff. Get back to nature." The way she said it she reminded me of Jeff Spicoli, in "Fast Times at Ridgemont High".

"Oh that's nice," I said with a wide overdone smile. My husband stood behind me inhaling a huge burger and an entire plate of baked beans. "Cuckoo," he sneezed, in order to cover up his observation. He was ready to move onto the next weirdo. We cringed as we couldn't avoid my cousin who is obsessed with the paranormal. We try to avoid him at all costs because he talks to himself (he claims he's just talking to his spirit guide). We just happened to meet him at the grill as he waited for a burnt hamburger. He claims that when someone eats a hamburger medium well, he or she is eating a cow's soul.

"I guess we're all waiting for burgers, huh?" he said as he inspected the cook's grilling technique. "Tessa and I don't like them mooing," he said. Tessa, I should mention, is his spirit guide. He relies on her to give him daily direction. I think he even relies on her to tell him when to go to the bathroom. I stood at the grill as my cousin prattled on to me about how he was at the battlefield the night before and a ghost kept humping his leg or something, I'm not sure. As soon as I hear battlefield, I tune out. He spends seven days a week at the battlefield trying

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