by Susie Horton

Created on: September 09, 2009

I have had countless hours to think on death. Hours given to me by the Creator of all life. In those hours I was filled with hope as I believe all things are possible in Christ. Then, in other hours I prayed for death to come and end my pain and suffering. It was as if I was on a roller coaster that just kept going again and again. Don't get me wrong I wasn't contemplating suicide. I was just weary and broken and had come to the very hard realization that my body had betrayed me. That it is possible I was not't going to get better and this might be as good as it gets.

Almost 10 years of pain. Pain changed me. I believe pain can cripple the strongest warrior. It can also reveal the character of the meek. I am neither, but I do believe God allowed pain to take center stage in my life for His purposes.

I am almost embarrassed to admit this, but it would be weakness to deny it. God brought me to a point of praying for death. In my finite mind that is the only outcome I could imagine bringing Him any glory at all. I was suffering so, that I was damaging everything and everyone around me. I was doing more damage for the cause of Christ than good. How could that be His will? I wasn't wallowing in self-pity, just visiting it occasionally, it was more a peace that was granted to me by our Heavenly Father. I prayed that if it was His will for me to continue in pain then I knew He would give me the strength to press on toward the goal. However, if this was my end on earth, I was okay with it and welcomed it.

While in prayer the Lord spoke to me

read Philippians 3:21.

who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body.

This Scripture at first brought me tears at his great love for me that he would answer me right then and there while I was still on my knees. But as I looked at the context of the Scripture it is speaking of Christ's glorious body. So I asked the Lord, does this mean you are returning soon to give us our glorious bodies? If so..please come.come quickly! Or did it mean he could and would transform my body right now on earth? The bigger context in Phil. 3 is that we are to have no confidence in the flesh. And that we must understand the goal. And to continue to strive for it! Which requires us to go into training much like a runner before their race.

My prayer became, I am willing and Lord only you can make me able!

And then another thought occurred.. maybe the Lord is telling me that I will indeed get a transformed body very soon. in my death. Now, I am not afraid of death. I know it is just the beginning! I truly believe.. to die is to gain.

As of right now I am still here on earth. Miraculously, the Lord has taken most of my pain away. God is so awesome! My doctors are confused (except the one who knows Jesus as his Lord and Savior and praises Him at my report). I don't yet have my glorious body.but I am looking forward to that free upgrade.

In His time. Until then I am in training and I will press on toward the goal!

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