by Sue Ruschman

Created on: September 07, 2009

He's My Brother

Mental illness has been forced upon my family for many years. We tried to ignore it, but it's a stubborn disease that stands its ground no matter what circumstances are present.

I was too young to realize that my paternal grandmother had problems. I just knew that she was sick quite often. Grandma seemed sad, but to a youngster, instead of trying to include her in my world, avoidance was a much better option.

How mental illness has affected me personally is by impaling its menacing talons into my brother's brain. I have three older brothers, but Scott is the one closest to my age. Growing up, he included me in his adventures which were numerous. Country hikes, creek forts, treasure hunts were just a few to name. We laughed often, but Scott was often sickly with asthma.

Later, as a teenager, Scott experimented with drugs. He liked the experiments and continued with them. Then, when he left for college, he really changed. To return to those times are still too painful for me. He was violent. He threatened my parents. They had him hospitalized in the state mental hospital and later other institutions. I must not neglect to say that Scott is highly intelligent.

When he would have an episode, we would call it going off. His hazel eyes would turn to a glassy green and he would slip into his world, not ours. First, he was schizophrenic, then, multiple personalities and now he's diagnosed as bipolar.

Scott finished college, married and had children. For many years, he was normal or what normal is for him. His sense of humor became negative and he was the only correct one on any subject. We often became the brunt of his warped sense of humor, but I still loved him. I still wanted him to accept me. I wanted him to be all right.

About ten years ago, he started going off again, driving for hours without any destination. Our grandmother had become sick and was dying. Scott was barely sleeping, hating his job and people. Soon, he quit his job saying that we just didn't understand. He hated his job. Even though he had a family, he couldn't support them. His wife did. His children suffered, everybody suffered.

After twenty years of marriage, his wife divorced him. His children are adults and now have their own families. They have greatly been affected by growing up in an unstable atmosphere.

Scott tried to work and remain on his own, but he couldn't. So, he had to move in with my parents who are in their mid seventies. They still work to

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