by Lidya Sin

Created on: September 07, 2009   Last Updated: September 08, 2009

Making Sure Your Teens Stay Away from the Wrong Crowd

Adolescence is the time when someone begins their journey from childhood when they are still dependent on their parents towards full independence in adulthood. Children begin to separate themselves from their parents and to explore the world on their own.

Most of teens find their identity through associating with their peers. They gravitate towards their friends and distance themselves from their family. Friends become the most important people in their lives, sometimes even more than their parents. Peer pressure can be the biggest stressor in a teen's life. In fact, Malcom Gladwell mentioned that sometimes environment influences the children more than their family. In other words, teens from good family can be influenced by bad environment and turns bad and teens from dysfunctional family can grow up into an upstanding adult because of the influence of their environment. In my profession I often see the teens downfall and success are usually attributed to who their friends are more than their family. Parents should and must be concern about their teens' friends.

So, how to make sure teens don't fall into the wrong crowd?

First of all, in my experience, teens who gravitate towards bad friends already have problems in their families. If you have relationship or communication problem with your children, fix it now. You cannot direct them if they don't listen to you. Teens are resourceful, creative, and rebellious, you cannot force them to "do as you say" just because you are parents. Instead, make an open and loving atmosphere at home where they feel accepted and respected. Discuss with them your values. Listen to their opinions and respect them no matter how faulty you thing they are.

Ask them to describe the sort of friends they are looking for. Encourage them to talk with you about their friends. Never ever mock or harshly criticize their friends no matter who they are. It will only serve to make them defensive and resentful. Remember that perhaps their friends are more important to them than you, so don't ever make them choose. Not only you sow resentment but also they might not choose you!

Steer them toward the "right" crowd. Encourage them to participate in positive activities where they can meet teens their age and also have fun together. Encourage them to participate in church youth groups or other religious activities, Boy Scout, sport clubs, or to volunteer at Animal Shelter or Soup Kitchen. This also have advantageous effects of building their organizational and social skills, self-esteem, and confidence. It also looks very good on their resume when they apply for a college or a job.

Encourage them to take their friends home so you can know them better. Perhaps you can even influence your teens' friends. Teens sometimes listen to "outsider" more than they do to their parents. Arrange sleepover and carefully watch they are doing, although you don't want to look nosy or intrusive.

If you find your teens befriend the "wrong" persons, talk to them kindly. Explain your objection without sounding criticizing their friends. Make them see your concern and ask if they share the same concern. Remember that your objection should be rational and logical and not because of prejudice.

Last and not least, be friends with your teens. You can influence them like their friends do and have a loving and fulfilling relationship with your children. It might not be an easy task, considering they seems to rebel everything you ask them to. But be patient and supportive and you will find your teens grow up to be the kind of persons you can be proud of.

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