by Lidya Sin

Created on: September 05, 2009   Last Updated: September 07, 2009

As the master tactician Sun Tzu said, it is better to win the war without having to engage in a battle. If we don't want to end up with a war everyday with our teens, here are some tips of how to which battles to pick and how to win them, and hopefully before they turn into arguments.

Obviously there is no winning or losing when it comes to taste, either in clothing, music, movies, or food. So of course, involving in arguments about who is better: Michael Jackson or Justin Timberlake is only a waste of time and energy. Parents must realize that their kids are their own persons with their own taste.

Don't berate them for things they like, even though you think they are stupid. (Remember our reaction when our mom and dad told us Michael Jackson was terrible or even Satanic?) It doesn't mean we cannot get into friendly debates. Friendly debates escalate because we don't know when to stop. We are the adult, so it is up to us.

It is not about our ego. Sometimes they said "Michael Jackson is stupid. Everyone who likes him is stupid." and we are his rabid fans. We can say. "I like him, do you think I'm stupid? Why is that?" in a calm, indifferent manner. If they don't answer, let them. We already give them questions to think about and it serves to make them think if idolizing a celebrity is really a matter of life and death.

Share with them your values as early as possible. It is too late to argue with your teens about whether or not it is ok to have premarital sex when they're already knocked up. Do it in a non-confrontational ways. Share them while you're spending time together in a relaxed and non stressful atmosphere. Give them the reasons of your values. Answer their questions and deal with their objections calmly and rationally.

Avoid confrontations at first attempt. Try to give them suggestions or ask them questions. "Do you think it is okay to call people names? What if they call you names, do you like it?", "You have a new boyfriend, that's great! Bring him to meet us. We'll love him for sure.", "I'm not sure coming home so late is a good idea, especially on school days. How about I pick you up at 7 and we can stop at McDonald for your favorite shake?"

I found that if I agree to their statements instead of outright disagreeing, they're more likely to listen to me. For example, my students' favorite question is "Why can't we date while we're in school?" They come prepared and defensive. If I said because you were too young, they would block out all

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