by Roland Ludwig

Created on: September 05, 2009   Last Updated: September 07, 2009

Expression of affection and feelings of love can take many shapes and forms. There are those that feel it is best expressed through spoken words, those that express it through writing and then even those that express it through acts of service. It really depends on the individual's frame of reference and worldview or "Weltbild", doesn't it? Any way you look at this, the expression of love is a form of communication. Some people have a tendency to overcommunicate, while others undercommunicate. In the case of saying "I love you", it is certainly possible to overcommunicate.

While it can be argued that one can never express love towards another excessively as long as the recipient has the same feelings towards you, it is a fact that overcommunication is possible. For example, my wife and best friend on this journey through life together appreciates being told that I love her each day as she wants the reassurance that this man truly loves and thinks about her. She does not want to be forgotten, and I in turn get a sense of satisfaction that I'm making her life better by reassuring her. This is goodness.

On the other side of the coin, I have observed situations where saying "I love you" too much turns into a borderline obsessive compulsive behavior. For example, my eleven year old step-son has within the past year gotten into the habit of saying, "Love you." to his mother many multiple times throughout the day. He could be sitting downstairs in front of the television or XBOX game, while his mother is in the den upstairs on Facebook or the phone and we would hear him declare in a somewhat monotonous tone, "Love you." several times in a row, and perhaps 5 to 10 times within a half an hour. To me the repetitive nature of this has started to become more of an annoyance, rather than a very meaningful expression of parent/child affection. One cannot question the strong bond between a child and his/her mother; however, there should be a point at which there is more independence for a child. Case in point - yes, here is an example where it is being overdone!

For my personal communication style, I believe it is important to say, "I love you." when you are finishing a phone conversation with a loved one, or leaving them for the day, departing, etc. It is also nice to have the impromptu "I love you" from your partner or loved one out of the blue. It tends to become an issue when it comes across as being mechanical, overdone or out of context. Context is the operative word here. My step-son's constant "Love you" reminder to his mother every 5 minutes makes me question the context. He is a loving and bright child, but how could his mother, whom he is very close to have forgotten that he loves her in only five minutes?

In summary, as children we are all brought up in different environments, and communication style is something that is taught or 'adopted' depending on our surrounding environment. Once we strike out into the world on our own and get involved in the act of building new relationships and families outside of the environment of our upbringing, that is the time when we should evaluate our communication style and forms of expression. It would make great sense to question the effectiveness (or even overeffectiveness) of our inherent style of expression of love, and then adjust it somewhat to be in balance with your new family or relationship situation. This of course takes time and doesn't happen overnight. It is something that like all good things requires time to grow. In closing, I would submit to you that one can say, "I love you." too much; however, one can never overdo 'showing' another their love. It's all about having a balanced way of expressing this.

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