by Ron Serafini

Created on: September 05, 2009   Last Updated: September 06, 2009

I am in the process of " getting through cancer ". Lung cancer to be exact. May 14 of this year my right subclavicular lymph node suddenly decided to swell to the size of a plum. No reason, no injury, no illness, just a lump. Of course, in this age of the Internet, I googled my symptoms and self diagnosed what the lump meant. Three possibilities, all of them cancer. How lucky can a guy get? I was going to have either lung or stomach cancer, or Hodgkin's. Secretly, I was hoping for the Hodgkin's, but unfortunately I didn't get to choose. That was the extent of being my own DOCTOR.

Of course the next step was having my diagnosis confirmed by my family doctor, which he did. And that was the absolute last time I was in control of anything. That was the last time that I felt on top of my illness. Then the REAL doctors took over my care and I have been in a fog ever since.The real doctors must think that the average non-doctor patient hasn't the ability to grasp the seriousness of getting a cancer diagnosis, or understanding the treatment process that they are going to have you undertake. They basically tell you that the options are limited, take it or leave it. They don't interact with you. I have gotten more sympathy from an auto mechanic when something expensive has broken on my car.

In truth, I don't think they want to know how you feel. At least not on a human level. Experiencing someone else's pain and confusion and fea r- TMI, too much information. So they hide behind the I'm sorry, but we don't like to give a prognosis, or everyone is different, let's wait and see. I mean c'mon doc, I found out on google that my cancer was what was going to ultimately kill me, so give me a weekly update on how the treatment is working. Your nurses have the knowledge to answer some of my questions, and they do answer them, but I would very much like to hear it from you. I would very much like you to tell me why I am in so much pain, how long the pain will last, and most importantly, is what I am going through worth it. Do I have a chance to live another year? Two years? Five years? Put yourself in my place, I'm just asking for an estimate, I'm not going to hold you to it. I'm almost sixty years old, and if I'm at death's door, I'd like some time to put my affairs in order, then take a vacation or something. Spend as much time with my loved ones as possible, you know the drill.

Fortunately for me, I have been blessed with a wonderful support system. Every family member, my sons, my daughter, my mother, and my siblings, couldn't be more loving and supportive. My wife, God bless her, has been a bastion of strength and selflessness. And I am blessed to be a born again Christian. I have the love and support of all my brothers and sisters that attend our Baptist church. But I have the love and support of God to get me through the pain and depression. I absolutely urge anyone going through the cancer adventure to contact your Pastor or Priest and put your future in the Lord's hands. It's out of your hands anyway, isn't it?

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