by Victoria Tiegert

Created on: September 03, 2009

When we initially meet the person that we are going to fall in love with and invite to share the rest of our life, it is normal that we will go through some changes. One of these changes is the doling out of our time and attention. There is now a new person to give to and generally, because of the newness of this relationship, it will take a position of priority for a time. This will allow the two of you to get to know one another deeply and develop the foundation for an eventual marriage that will be strong and healthy.

Most of the time, friends will understand that this is a natural progression of relationship building and will be patient with the lack of time and energy that they are receiving. After that initial time, however, the friendship will usually be regained to its full prior place. The person who has fallen in love will figure out how to readjust life to include all of the people that are important to him or her. This is perfectly normal.

For some, though, it doesn't work out that way and they will let their friendships go by the wayside and focus solely on the new man or woman. This is not the healthiest way to live as it takes something away from the person who is giving up their friends in order to give everything to someone else. There are several ways that keeping your friends after marriage is helpful to both the individual and to the relationship.

First, having friendships while you are married takes some of the stress off of the relationship because there will be other people to use as sounding boards, rather than only the spouse. Whether you are having a bad day because of something that happened at work or something that happened specifically within the marriage, you can vent away with a good friend with no worry that an argument will erupt or someone will get over-defensive of you. This alleviates the need for one person alone to solve all of life's problems for the other.

Second, there is fun in having a variety of people to do a variety of things with. Not every person likes to do the same things. Even if the two partners in a marriage have a lot in common, there will be some things that they won't share a passion for. This is where friends come in. When your spouse doesn't want to engage in the same activities as you do, there may be a good friend that would absolutely love to.

Finally, keeping your good friends is fair to everyone. Why should you turn your back on one person just to limit yourself to another only? There are feelings and emotions involved in friendships and it is incredibly hurtful to lose a friend just because someone new comes along. We should value our friends, as well as our spouses. This will make us all more well-rounded and happy people.

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