by Patricia Tatum

Created on: September 03, 2009

It is generally assumed that there are two types of single women: the ones who are desperately seeking a husband and the ones who have given up desperately seeking a husband. The label "commitment-phobic" is most often used to describe men. There are plenty of women, however, who are single because they are afraid of commitment. Allow me to introduce you to a few of them.

Jane is a thirty-something professional who seems to have it all together. She owns a home, pays her bills on time, invests in her retirement, drives a sensible car and doesn't buy anything she can't afford. Jane makes smart choices in every aspect of her life except for relationships. Every guy she's dated has been a charming loser and it doesn't take Jane long to realize a marriage with one of them would result in her being the financial provider. Jane is afraid of commitment because she doesn't want to lose what she's worked so hard for.

Sally is in her fifties and suddenly finds herself alone. Her kids are grown and her husband had the classic midlife crisis; he left her for a younger woman. Sally is dealing with the double whammy of a blow to her self-esteem and being clueless about the single scene for middle-aged women. She has a lot of extra time on her hands now, but doesn't know what to do with it. Sally understands now why some women become cat ladies.

Monique is beautiful, young and vibrant. She has a large circle of friends and a busy social calendar. When she dates, she keeps the guy at arms length emotionally, and when it appears he is getting serious, she ends it quickly. Monique believes marriage and children will make her frumpy and boring, effectively killing her exciting lifestyle. Her self-esteem depends on being the center of attention and she is not willing to risk that for any man.

Glenda barely escaped from an abusive husband. For years she believed him when he pledged his love and promised not to hurt her any more. In her mind, Glenda distrusts all men. It will take a long time and a really special guy to convince her otherwise.

Being afraid of commitment is not necessarily a bad thing. It can give women time to understand themselves better and to learn how to make good relationship choices. But letting that fear be the primary motivation in life can cause someone to block not only the risky relationships, it can effectively shut them off from all relationships.

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