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There is nothing more loathsome than a horror movie that resorts to cheap, shallow thrills. Films incapable of crafting legitimate suspense and the only weapon left its near empty arsenal is the ability to startle the audience. So desperate to thrill, instead of tangible suspense, the audience is left with a vapid shell filled with nothing but head shots of Josh Hartnett. Welcome to 30 Days of Night. You won't be scared but, whew, will you be startled. Boo.

Easily one the most funniest films of 2007, 30 Days is forgettable tour-de-farce of modern-day vampire films. Based on the comic book series of the same name, 30 Days of Night represents everything that is wrong with the current mainstream horror genre. The art of suspense has been glazed over in favor of blatant gore and graphic scenes of violence with reckless abandon and doesn't bother with such annoyances such as a cohesive plot or tension. What tries to be Romeroesque schlock, is instead a rehash of slightly better films but without any desire for a symbiotic relationship with the viewer. We're left to suffer worse than the victims of the vampire-riddled town of Barrow, Alaska.

A group of vampires discover, presumably with the help of a human underling, an Alaskan town, about to be thrust into a month long period of night. Perfect vampire weather. While most of the town has temporarily left for more desirable settings, pockets of the populace remain home. Sheriff Abe Oleson (Josh Hartnett) and his ex, Stella Oleson (Melissa George) along with rag-tag group of miscellaneous townies try to repel the constant barrage of vampire attacks while coming to grips with their emotional baggage. You can pretty well imagine how the rest of the plot goes. Although simply and somewhat unoriginal, 30 Days does manage to scare the audience by way of dialogue. The messy and shockingly shallow exchange between Mr. Hartnett (Blackhawk Down) and Ms. George, in her first feature, is distracting from an already lackluster experience. The screenplay is filled with cliche-riddled groaners that seem to pop up during the most unpredictable and unfortunate times. Screenwriter (and original comic author) Steve Niles, in an act of self-hatred, destroyed any scene that was even remotely close to an authentic moment. But authenticity would be a pipe dream with a cast that makes Hartnett look like Carey Grant.

It wasn't all cumbersome, melodramatic dialogue and howling vampires. The audience is also treated to sadomasochistic gang-rape fantasies. Multiple times in the film, the vampires, in attempt to show their pack like mentality, circle each victim (usually female) and take turns biting, scraping, kicking and punching which excited (dare, I say titillated) the rest of the pack in a seemingly sexualized frenzy. While this must appeal to the hardcore torture-porn fans, any audience member with any semblance of conscious will find these scenes more than alarming. It's disgusting. With that said, the film does have one bright spot. The saving grace of any big studio horror flop; special effects. While not a breakthrough nor edgy, the effects utilized were deftly massaged into the story, shunning a heavy a use of CGI. The blurred backgrounds with flickered movements of the vampires was chilling as the scurry from roof to roof, stalking their victims. In the end, it becomes a minor footnote that does come close to breaching any salvation for this wreck.

Learn more about this author, Erik Buckman.
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