by Sunny Chandler

Created on: September 03, 2009

My hate of the birthday is a culmination of a few of things, and now I am entering into my 'mid 30's' good god, that is an identity crisis all by one self.

My birthday falls in September, When I was really little - I don't remember having kid parties, and looking back at my 'birthday cake' photos, we are suspiciously all wearing the same outfits that we are wearing in my grandmother's birthday photos and oh yeah the Thanksgiving photos. The reason being the family was so busy with harvest in September, they knew I wouldn't notice if we just pushed it off for a few more weeks. Then as I got a little older, there was this huge push during the first few weeks of November to toss together my party and my cousin whose birthday fell on November 7th so we could move on to Thanksgiving which was traditionally my Grandmother's party, and then my Uncle's birthday in December and then Christmas and then my Grandfather's birthday that January. I can even remember having a birthday party for my (deceased) father on Leap Year's with my grandmother; we would make his favorite cake and take flowers out to the cemetery.

When it finally did come around to celebrating my birthday, I had been in a panic over it for some time already. I can remember being a kid, just after finishing the adjustment into the new school year I would get what I called my 'birthday panic" I remember it oh too well, anxiety because I knew SHE (my mother) would be plotting what was next, I remember saying one year, We can just forget my Birthday. I don't need a party. I don't want a cake. It was like saying, please don't make me go thru with a birthday, because I can't handle the stress of how it always would end up about her in the end anyway and I would feel guilty for making her have a party for me. I knew that at 6 years old! Up until the time when my grandma got Alzheimer's the best part of my birthday was (even if it was on thanksgiving) I got a lobster tail that she would cook just for me. Who needed cake? I had lemon butter.

In my elementary school years, I remember the hurt when one of my friends got me birthstone earrings and they were November stones, not September, at the time I think I hated her for it, but looking back, she didn't know any better, my party was held the second week of November it made sense.

Later in high school - when my family had their big fight and my mother cut ties with my father's side of the family right before the start of my Junior year; meaning harvest was

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