by Lisa Moeller

Created on: September 02, 2009

Change. I can, yes?

Oh yeah. YEAH. I'm feeling it now. I'm on Day 4 of nicotine withdrawal. Been there? Done that? Well, I'm about "this close" to getting in my Jeep and taking a ride to Walgreens. It'll take me about 5 minutes to get right off this wagon...

Some of friends are reeling from just now finding out that I chew t'bacca.

Just kidding.

I'm a struggling ex-smoker of 4 days. If you are surprised, it's because I avoided smoking where anyone could actually see me, because I was too embarrassed to admit I'd been sucked into such a stupid trap. AGAIN. That's right, I have actually quit several times. One time I quit using hypnosis for over 10 years. How stupid can someone be to start smoking again after 10 years?

Since then, I've quit for varying periods of time, 1 day to 3 years, using every method available. My sons don't even flinch anymore when I proudly proclaim "I've quit smoking!" because they've come to learn that in all likelihood, I'll be a smoker again soon.

This time, my mate, my friend, and I tried a "hypnosis" class, but it wasn't the real McCoy. We've basically quit cold turkey. I don't know who came up with the term "cold turkey", but it's more like an "iceberg vulture" and it's nesting in my chest.

Which leads me to the topic of this article. What keeps us from making positive changes? Why is fear probably the number one motivator for change? Why isn't the promise of satisfaction enough?

There are so many things I'd like to change about myself. Little things like "get up a half hour earlier and walk each day" to big things like "believe in your ability." But so far, I keep doing and thinking the same things day after day after day. Therefore, I keep feeling the same way about myself. Is it too much to ask of myself to eat only what's healthy and the minimum amount at that? To walk 30 lousy minutes everyday? To drink 8 lousy glasses of plain water? To stop smoking? To lose 15 pounds? Why, if I love to write so much, is it so hard to commit to writing for one hour every day? Why don't I floss every time I brush? (No, I don't, and chances are you don't either.) Why do I spend money on things I really don't need when I should really be saving whatever I can or investing in a prepaid college plan for my son? Am I just stupid or what?

The only thing I can figure is that there is a spoiled little girl living inside me who wants to have her cake and eat it too. She's not interested yet in the profit of discipline and willpower. I can hear

• 1
• 2
• Next Page >>