by Frank Shetland

Created on: February 10, 2007   Last Updated: May 08, 2007

Q: What is the most confusing statement in the life of a single person?
A: I'll call you.

The dating scene, and what that comprises, varies wildly from one person to the next. Some enjoy meeting prospects at bars, going to the club, and ending with breakfast, while others stick to dinner and a movie, and still others call long walks on the beach and serenades a real date. However the different scenes may accommodate one's interests, the level of discomfort, however low it may be, is everpresent due to the fact that we cannot accurately assess a date's thoughts. We always wonder if our partner is having a good time and enjoying our company, or at least wouldn't prefer to be with someone else or alone.

Some of this stress is unavoidable. Dating is, afterall, a get to know you game in which you are thrown into a social situation with someone you do not know.
However, there are ways to cut down on your chances of being extremely uncomfortable on a date by changing how you look at what you are doing when you are dating.
First of all, where are you looking for a date? If you are looking at a club or bar, you may have better options. Consider the number and variety of people who go to the club or bar on weekend nights. Do these people usually all have a common interest? Yes, there are a few: drinking, dancing, having fun, and friends. Do most people share these interests? You bet! So when you meet someone at a bar, what do you know about him or her? The same thing you know about your ex, and his or her ex, and your ex before that, and that crazy person you went out with last week, and the one who keeps calling you although you have absolutely no interest in him or her at all.
If you are looking at work or school, you may be doing slightly better. This depends. Have you taken time to talk to the person already to find out his or her interests? Do you like your job/major? Does he/she? I'd say if you are looking here, your chances of finding someone you are not extremely uncomfortable with go up to about 75%.
Have you ever thought about joining a bicycle club/fitness club/reading circle/philanthropic organization/taking a sailing class/etc.? Think about this option. If you are involved in something that you ENJOY, and meet someone there who enjoys the SAME THING, how much more likely are you to actually enjoy your date? Can you imagine how much more comfotable it would be to have that topic to fall back on when conversation lulls? And how wonderful it would be when you started explaining something you loved to do, the other person's face lights up too? You are cutting your chances to having a boring date to almost nothing, and your chances for a second date go way up!
None of this is rocket science, but the bottom line is that knowing something about the person you are trying to date before actually going on a date with him or her is a major step in making yourself more comfortable with the game and its players. It takes the guesswork out, and makes the scene a lot more comfortable for both.

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